Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance Burns Out

Here's the basics of it all when it comes to Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance.

1) Grab Spoon.

2) Gouge out own eyes.

3) Wanna see Ghost Rider?

Seriously, don't go see this movie. Do not be part of the group of people that Nicolas Cage can refer to when he says "But somebody must like my shit because people are still watching it."

If you have any thoughts about going to see this movie without the full intent of cuddling with your boyfriend/girlfriend in an empty theater, you're supporting the wrong cause. You're not getting that hour and thirty-five minutes back. It's not even worth watching Regal's "First Look", or the trailers. FYI, here were mine:

The Raven

G I Joe: Retaliation

Battleship

Wrath of the Titans

The Amazing Spider-man

21 Jump Street

So unless you're looking forward to seeing these trailers on a big screen, save your money. Save your time. Save your relationship. Seriously, you're risking a lot. Let me go into the movie itself though, just so you know what you're getting yourself into. I'm not going to warn you about spoilers, I'm saving you don't forget.

First, the story was really choppy. The basic plot was...not so basic. A boy, Danny, is being chased by some guys apparently associated with the devil. Danny is the son of the devil, apparently. Ghost Rider is hired to protect Danny at the deal of having his curse removed. Of course the Ghost Rider is still doing his punishing sinners thing too. 

The devil wants his kid, stuff happens, and you have over 90 minutes of revelation into just how bad Nicolas Cage is in front of a camera. So there you have it, the Spirit of Vengeance is still doing his thing, but protecting the little Devil. Which is funny to me because I seem to recall the point of the first movie being to stop the Devil's other son. Also, not once did the movie refer to the Devil as "Mephisto", and this makes me sad.

 

Yea Nic, we sort of felt the same way about the movie

Secondly, you had a lot of elements that didn't make sense. I know, it's a fiction movie, and logic just walks out the door in a pair of Air Jordans nobody wanted, but still- there was no sense. I mean, you had one guy whose touch decayed things, but he was able to drive. His touched decayed EVERYTHING; you can't even claim it only decayed things he wanted decay because his first experiments with the power revealed he was decaying all the food he wanted to eat except for the Twinkies (I see what they did there...) while driving the vehicle. 

You also run into that whole weapons training thing. You know, it's when the trained mercenaries can't hit a damn thing but the dumb broad that picks up a pistol gets a one-bullet bullseye. That happens frequently. You also had SUVs that can rear-end multiple vehicles at high speeds and never get more than headlight damage.

Lastly, the effects- Oh my were they beautiful. I think this falls under "Wasted Talent". They had amazing effects. Not just the fire, everything. From decaying bodies, to stunts, to explosions, this movie hit the mark. If nothing else, if you can somehow get past Mr Cage, enjoy the effects and hope to whatever God you believe in that these guys get hired again.

I wouldn't recommend this movie. I wouldn't even Redbox it. Netflix is a no-no. Don't even ask your best buddy to burn you a copy.  Avoid the movie at all costs, unless you need a school project on Nicolas Cage or something.