Zombie Survival 101: From A to Z

You think that having a zombie apocalypse is awesome. Your backseat or trunk has a bag full of supplies. You keep the Zombie Survival Guide in your glove-box or some other easy-to-reach place. And why do we have this fascination over zombies? Because it doesn't really exist - you play Resident Evil or Call of Duty and come out looking like a sexy bad-ass, or you watch Walking Dead where all you can do is scream "WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT YOU ASS-HAT?! DO [insert action here] INSTEAD! Good God!" Seriously though, how would you react if it started to happen?

And is it even realistic? Well, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that I'm going to tell you what to do and how to be prepared. Even the CDC is on this bandwagon. The bad news is that (un)fortunately yes, it is very possible. And guess what else? It exists.

HEATHER, HOW COULD A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE HAPPEN??? I HAVE TO KNOW RIGHT NOWWWWWWWW!!!

Ok, no need to shout! Let me give you a couple of facts:

First off, too late - Neurotoxins, and I know we're not unfamiliar with that word. Sounds stupid, sounds "smart" but cliche, however the word zombie comes from Haiti (originally zonbi or nzumbu in some dialects), and Haiti's known to do some crazy shit in the first place. What neurotoxins are we talking about? Some fish and other animals have poison that will bring a person to practically dead level to the point where a person would be pronounced dead. Take Romeo and Juliet for exmaple.

There was a guy named Clairvius Narcisse, pronounced dead by 2 doctors and was buried in 1962. He was found wandering around his village 18 years later. Local voodoo priests were using natural chemicals to zombify people and put them to work on the sugar plantations. This sounds sick and almost too good to be true, but don't worry - I'll include my sources so you can read it and weep... tears of joy (if you're sick in the head).

Resident Evil wasn't too far off with their parasite theory. There's a parasite called toxoplasma gondii that infects rats and is bred inside of cats. Toxoplasmosa gondii is not like a ringworm or anything like that. This... thing is cruel, relentless, and well, a parasite. Did I mention it's a mind controller? Once the parasite infects the cute little fuzzy thing, flips a switch inside the rat's brain, making the rat run to wherever the cat is to be EATEN. AND THE STUPID RAT DOESN'T KNOW IT.

But why does that happen in the first place? Well, you know that cats don't eat dead prey, so this parasite infects a cat's soon-to-be meal due to the Darwinism theory. Cats have to eat too, ya know! So ok, I know what you might be thinking - it's a rat. It's a bug that only infects rats. But what little fuzzy thing do scientists use in laboratories to test drugs? Rats. Why? Because they're so much like us.

So what would it take to infect the human race, and why is this even relevent at all? Folks, I have some bad news. Toxoplasma gondii infects a crapton of people. Let me give you some statistics -
A study was done between 1999 and 2004 in the US and was shown to affect roughly 10% and another study showed about 22%. Out of about 240 people in rural France, 47% of subjects were found infected, and 75% of El Salvador's population is infected.

While most symptoms are very minuscule, like ADHD, fever, and similar flu-like symptoms, it is occasionally severely fatal or have dire side effects, like liver problems, jaundiced eyes and back of head. All it would take is a more evolved form of the parasite and we'd have a catastrophe. Don't think it's possible? It wouldn't take much to do to us what happens in a rat - no self-preservation, instinct, or rationality. We'd be kinda screwed.

Mad Cow disease is a pretty good one. It does exactly what it says - a virus infects a cow, affecting its spinal cord and brain, and just goes berserk. We eat cows, don't we? If it goes through the food, we're screwed. If it evolves into a disease that comes by blood-to-blood or saliva contact, all it takes it one bite. Rats have done this very thing in a study - just turn and each other alive. Humans are a well-working machine, but if one chemical was off in our brain, that's all it'd take.

The theories go on and on and on, but there's your scientific facts of the day. You can now sound really smart to all of your friends thanks to me (and all the sources I got my info from, of course!) So that being said, I'm sure you don't really wanna just watch this all go down, drinking a Starbucks latte with a pleased smile on your face, do you? Oh wait, you do! You're so prepared with your med-kits and your survival guides. Welp, I don't think sitting in your car, man-handling your glove-box for your guide and reading it while one of these mindless drones attack your car, do you? No, didn't think so.

ZOMBIE SURVIVAL 101: KILL OR BE KILLED, BUT NOT WITHOUT A FIGHT

The CDC (Center for Disease Control) recently put out an article on what to do. I totally understand putting that out of humor is all in good fun, but these guys don't mess around. These guys know everything I just stated and then some, so while the rest of the world laugh at it or whatever, with possibilities like this, it's not exactly far-fetched. So what does the CDC say to do?

•Water (1 gallon per person per day)
•Food (stock up on non-perishable items that you eat regularly)
•Medications (this includes prescription and non-prescription meds)
•Tools and Supplies (utility knife, duct tape, battery powered radio, etc.)
•Sanitation and Hygiene (household bleach, soap, towels, etc.)
•Clothing and Bedding (a change of clothes for each family member and blankets)
•Important documents (copies of your driver’s license, passport, and birth certificate to name a few)
•First Aid supplies (although you’re a goner if a zombie bites you, you can use these supplies to treat basic cuts and lacerations that you might get during a tornado or hurricane)

So, now you've got everything you need. Doesn't hurt if you have a couple of extra things, but just make sure that you include every essential, just in case you need to trek it by foot. Also for your zombie safety, the CDC advises to make an emergency plan for when the zombies are actually at your door. Very simple instructions and hopefully that you've already prepared for in the event of some other natural disaster, but if they didn't teach you that at school or have a family sit down with a house and a town map, Geek Asylum is here to help:

1.Identify the types of emergencies that are possible in your area. Besides a zombie apocalypse, this may include floods, tornadoes, or earthquakes. If you are unsure contact your local Red Cross chapter for more information.

2.Pick a meeting place for your family to regroup in case zombies invade your home…or your town evacuates because of a hurricane. Pick one place right outside your home for sudden emergencies and one place outside of your neighborhood in case you are unable to return home right away.

3.Identify your emergency contacts. Make a list of local contacts like the police, fire department, and your local zombie response team. Also identify an out-of-state contact that you can call during an emergency to let the rest of your family know you are ok.

4.Plan your evacuation route. When zombies are hungry they won’t stop until they get food (i.e., brains), which means you need to get out of town fast! Plan where you would go and multiple routes you would take ahead of time so that the flesh eaters don’t have a chance! This is also helpful when natural disasters strike and you have to take shelter fast.

This could be a really super long article, but I'm being nice to the very unlucky few that might have zombies at their door right now and just need some quick and easy-to-follow instructions. However, if you find yourself astonished or even further obsessed with this likely event, I've included the sources below so you can get yourself further edumacated.. educama... nevermind.


Sources and stuff:


Biology Online
CDC
technovelgy
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/%20

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First Look: Kid Icarus Uprising

Kid Icarus Uprising is a new 3DS game released March 23rd 2012. It's one of the newest and most anticipated titles released this year, so you must be wondering- is it worth getting. We got it, we played it, and we're here to give you the first inside look from a player's perspective on what you'll get out of purchasing the game.

So here's my story. I got an e-mail from Gamestop on March 21st saying the new Kid Icarus Uprising game was available now. Don't believe me? Here's the exact ad I got in an e-mail:

So anyway, I head over almost immediately to get the game. Not only was the ad wrong, releasing the game Friday March 23rd, but I was massively disappointed. This did mean, however, that I got to put a pre-order in. So what do you get when you pre-order this game? Another game! That's right, for pre-ordering Kid Icarus Uprising, you got a free download of "3D Classics: Kid Icarus" for your 3DS. So if you didn't pre-order it from Gamestop, I feel kind of bad for you.

Fast forward to release day. I got the game, and at first I was sketchy on what came in the box. You get the game (Duh), a 3DS Stand (more on this later), and a package of AR cards. The AR cards are random, as no two boxes should, theoretically have the same cards. I won't spoil my own pulls (there's 6 total), but since the identification numbers on two of the cards I did get are AKDE-001 and AKDE-220, I can only imagine that there are quite a few. Now while this seems all well and good, these are in-game AR cards, used ONLY for unlocking idols (collectibles) in the game. That's right- they are not compatible with your AR GAMES application already on your 3DS.

Very bad Nintendo, very bad. I can only hope there's an update later, but for now I shall relish in the disappointment. At least I can trade cards with friends though, as that seems to be all that Nintendo is good for these days..You can also battle these cards, facing the two arrows on cards to each other, and if they are both on screen they will battle each other. It's pretty cool to see, but beyond that, I don't think you're going to get much out of these...


So on to the other odd inclusion- the 3DS stand. It's a simple stand, that displays your 3DS system like one of grandma's expensive dishes. I really don't know why we need this, as all it is plastic and holds your system, but apparently some people use it. I guess it's good for keeping your 3DS off a dirty surface, a resting spot if your hands get tired, or if you want to watch a movie on Netflix or play something less-intensive like a Pokemon game, it's ok to have. But hey- it was free in the game box, so who's really complaining?

Now let's look at the game. When you start it up and watch the intro video, you find out right away that there's speech in the game. Cool! Playing through a few levels, I can tell you that Pit and Palutena do have conversation while you're playing as well as a few other characters. There are two game modes of the game that you'll be interested in: Solo, and Together.

Solo Mode is your basic story mode, controlling Pit through his adventure trying to stop the evil Medusa. Keep in mind, I've only just beat the second stage. So far, I enjoy the game, but the controls are pretty tough. You have to use the joystick to move, the L button to fire, and the touch pad to aim. On the touch pad is where you see notifications, characters that are talking, and any powers you have. As long as you don't touch the powers, the touch to the touch screen corresponds to the aiming on the top screen, where your focus of what you're doing it.

The camera is very shaky, and to me the most difficult part of the game, using the touch screen to swipe the screen and rotate the camera accordingly. If you were to ask me a controls rating I'd give it a 2/10, as it is easily the toughest controlling I've ever had, even with the 3DS stand attempts. The game itself is a basic RPG, moving through levels and fighting enemies, with occasional help. Battles are open world, so you might just find an enemy or they might appear in front of you. If you've ever played a game like Kingdom Hearts, Super Mario, Legend of Zelda, or Sonic The Hedgehog, think along those lines. The levels are split into two types- Land Mode and Air Mode. In air mode you're flying, and on land mode you're glued to the ground. Each have their own specific on-screen display, and so far I like Air Mode the best, although the levels are short and have a specific length and time.

Together Mode is your basic online multiplayer, giving you mediocre multiplayer fun. At one end, you get to battle people both near and far, but on the other end it is wireless so find a good connection to do so. Unfortunately, if you're a total newbie or not good at this game, don't bother. There's no ranking system, so you could go into multiplayer first and get wrecked by someone with a super-weapon with amazing qualities while you try with a sword. If you're wondering what my first online experience was like, you just read it.

Other game qualities include various weapons, such as bows, blades, clubs and so forth, and the weapons are customizable. You can get various weapons and fuse them to make new ones, or buy them with hears, the in-game currency. You can also dismantle weapons into hearts, in case the weapon doesn't really do much for you. There's also a practice area, so if you make a new weapon and want to try it out, feel free. You can get powers and weapons also from the rewards section, after doing certain objectives in the game. You also get idols this way, another collectible feature and the things you got from redeeming your AR cards from the game.

Lastly, there is a street-pass option, where you trade "gems" with people. Think of gems as those capsules you bought as a kid for 25 cents- inside is a weapon from your inventory and you trade it to other people. Pretty neat, huh? You get some in return, of course.


So what else do you want to know about this game? I've only gotten to the third level, received a few rewards, and no street-passes yet. I'm going to give the game a try, it' definitely fun and I like the challenge it gives. Will it get better, will it get worse...time will tell. If you didn't pre-order it, I'd save your money for a month or two, get it a little cheaper or at best rent it from somewhere before you make a commitment.

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5 Reasons I Can't Stand the First Person Shooter Community

A first person shooter is a video game set where the perspective is you as the character. You move around as though the screen is exactly what you would see through the character's eyes as though they were your own. You are the character, and in these games you carry a gun. Many of these games include the option to play online with a community of players in competition or cooperatively. These games are good games, but I just can't stand this community of gamers anymore, and here's my top 5 reasons why!

DISCLAIMER: Before anybody actually reads the following and starts to hate me for writing this, please keep in mind that the content below is coming from a person who avidly plays and enjoys first person shooter games. My main focus here is that I don't like the majority of the other people that I interact with on a daily basis when playing these games.

5: The Sheer Size of the Community 

Some people may say that the bigger the community is, the better. I tend to look at it in the opposite manner. A bigger community only means that there is more room for the douche-bags to come and go as they please.

I’m not saying that developers should limit the size of community, that would just be awful,but the bigger and bigger these things gets the more chance of you running into a total ass wipe online. Before you know it you are yelling and spitting racial slurs at the game for no good reason. Take my word for it folks, I’ve seen good men fall victim to this vicious circle. 

4: Disregard for the Ratings

Shouldn't you kids be playing Mario Party!?

One thing that is synonymous with the first person shooter community are the 10 to 12-year-old kids that log on every day to play and kick each others' asses. Then scream over Xbox LIVE in an ear piercing, glass shattering pitch that any person over the age of 17 throws their mic off of their head as a quick escape to what sounds like a lambent wretch having a bitch fit.

That isn’t even the official reason as to why these kids shouldn’t be playing these games. Most first person shooters are rated “M for mature” which means that children under 17 should not be playing this game due to inappropriate content. This is addressed to all the parents out there that let their kids play these games.

Do you not realize what complete nuisances your children are being online!? I mean come on parents, step up to the plate and take out the (maybe) 15 seconds it takes to read the god damn rating on the back of the box before purchasing the game for your youngster. Although the kids aren’t the cause for the problem (THEY ARE THE PROBLEM!) they are god damn annoying to deal with on a daily basis.

3: A generation of fat people

With my previous rant in mind, young children are playing these games more and more each year. Because, yes, if you didn’t know already a new Call of Duty game does come out every single year. And with the release of each CoD game more and more people end up spending their money on it. For example, the new CoD game that came out this past November, Modern Warfare 3, was literally the biggest release in entertainment history. That game outsold any other game, movie, or album that has ever hit the shelves. With that being said, more and more people are playing them.

When I say people I mean 10-12 year old kids that have nothing better to do. In case you didn’t see this already, video games kind of makes people fat if you don’t pace yourself the right way. And with millions upon millions of kids playing these each year, its only forging a path to Twinkies and Taco Bell. It’s quite literally causing an entire generation to swell up like that bitchy girl from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory until they need to roll everywhere as their primary means of transportation.

2: Greed

One thing that is a must for any developer of a first person shooter is DLC (Downloadable Content) that goes along with the game. Look at the Battlefield franchise, the CoD franchise, Halo, Mass Effect…hell, any game with a gun in it! Granted, there is nothing wrong with expanding on a solid game that everyone enjoys. However, take your time with the damn thing!

I know I am constantly referencing CoD, but it is the most relevant to the point that I am trying to get across. Call of Duty Elite charges $50 for a season of content which spans out a total of 9 months. In the 9 months of content you get multiplayer maps and maybe the occasional spec op mission here or there. The thing is though, it comes out every month. So far it just feels like Elite is throwing out these half-assed multiplayer maps that probably were done when the game came out. The worst part is, people still throw their money at it. They want more almost immediately after the game comes out. Give the developers some time to come out with quality DLC that everyone can enjoy. I mean, you can’t please all the people all the time…you can freaking try! 

1: Attitude

Have you ever noticed that whenever you log onto any FPS and people have mics you almost immediately proceed to have not only little lambent children screaming  in your ear but you now have people saying shit about your mother at every corner. Or how they are infinity times better then you at everything at life that has ever existed. Or they start a laundry list of why you should go off yourself because you had a bad match in whatever game you are playing. This is my number one problem with the FPS community. Everybody thinks that they are hot shit, and thanks to anonymity of the internet your stuck there either having to listen, leave the match, or mute every last douche in the game.

I play CoD and Battlefield as much as the next guy, but that doesn’t mean I don’t get pissed when someone says that they railed my mother last night and that I can’t pull of a headshot for every kill thus I’m terrible at life and need to be rubbed out. So for all of you reading this who have fallen victim to this horrible trend of online gameplay, please, help put a stop to it and be nice and polite to the your fellow brothers and sisters in arms who you meet on the cyber battlefield! Let me know what you guys think in the comments below!

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Thoughts on Star Wars: The Phantom Menace 3D

What’s better than Star Wars? Star Wars in 3D! Yes, I actually paid money to see a film that I already own on VHS/DVD/Blu-ray. In fact I went to see this 3D version in theaters twice. Now I know the Phantom Menace has gotten a lot of hate, but I think this film has scenes that make it one of the more solid films in the prequel trilogy (yes…I know that’s not saying much). The 3D actually had me enjoying the film much more than I originally had. The film is pretty much exactly the same. It’s been cleaned up, like the Blu-ray version. The sound is on point as always. Sound has always been top notch when it comes to George Lucas.

3D Lightsaber Battle!

Now about the 3D… I thought this was a fantastic addition to Star Wars. The 3D was clear, and the picture had great depth to it. The best part of the 3D was the final battle scene with Qui-Gon Jinn, Obi-Wan Kenobi and Darth Maul. The scene was fluid and sharp and I had no issues focusing on it in 3D. The extra depth from the 3D really had the lightsaber scene pulling in the viewer. Having that scene in 3D justified paying the price to see it.

Of course the film has it’s problems, as it always did. But honestly as a whole I will always believe that this is a very solid film. Excellent fighting scenes, and a great intro into the Star Wars saga, this movie in 3D is worth seeing.

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Doctor Who: Season 7 Companion

Big news has been confirmed for the anticipated new season of Doctor Who. Many have been speculating which direction Steven Moffat, lead writer/Executive producer of Doctor Who, would take the series this fall.

Warning, Spoilers Ahead!

Moffat has announced the new companion for season 7. Jenna-Louise Coleman has been confirmed to be taking the role opposite Matt Smith (Eleventh Doctor) as the Doctor’s companion.

The announcement also confirmed that during the 7^th season current companions, played by Arthur Darvill (Rory Williams) and Karen Gillan (Amy Pond) would make their departure. As a Whovian, the changing of the companions and the doctor has always been a tough part of the series. I’ve grown so attached to Amy and Rory. They both work so well with the current doctor and I hate to see such a beautiful relationship end. But change has always been an important part of this series, and every companion will end up leaving.

I am a bit nervous for how Amy and Rory will leave the show. Speculation has been all over the Internet about their impending departure. My wish is that Amy and Rory don’t get killed off or something terrible happens to separate them from the Doctor. I’m not sure that this Whovian can handle another Rose, or worse, Donna departure. For this new companion, I’d love for her to just be a normal girl the Doctor happens to stumble upon during one of his travels. But who knows when it comes to Moffat. He loves to keep Whovians on their toes.

All I know is, I can’t wait to see what the new season, and new companion, have in store for us.

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ICON Comics: Super Crooks

 

This week we get the first issue of a new series written by Mark Millar and drawn by Leinil Yu. If you haven't heard of Mark Millar or his "Millarworld" books, maybe you should go check them out. He's written some great gems, such as "Wanted", "Kick-Ass", "Superior", and "Nemesis". He's also written some stories for Marvel and DC, notably Marvel's superhero "Civil War". Don't go by the movies, although he had a role in them his graphic novels are a must-have. This week and month he starts off his Super Crooks series, and if you haven't all ready gone to your local comic shop, you might want to soon.

[SPOILERS BELOW]

Super Crooks is a book based on the villains. We start the book off showing a bank robbery, and as the four suspects escape onto a subway, a hero known as Gladiator arrives and gets on the train and stops them. The criminals are taken to jail, and by the conversations inmates have there we know that they've been there before, and many times at that. What you're supposed to get out of this? That for every criminal, there's a hero. I'm only telling you this because the rest of the book really doesn't include any character from these first few pages, but it helps to keep it in mind for a later conversation.

The next scene we are given is based in Las Vegas at a casino. We find a man, Carmine, cheating with the help of a psychic, Walt. Their cover is blown, and the owners of the casino apprehend the two. They kill Walt in front of Carmine, and tell him that they want close to 10x what he stole from them back. Roughly 12 million dollars. And they want it in a month. 

Finally we're at a diner where a girl, Kasey, is visited by her ex-fiance Johnny, both of which are previous criminals. Previous because Johnny had gotten arrested in a jewelry heist gone wrong on the day of his wedding, hence the ex status. Carmine appears, beaten, and goes to the two for help, explaining the predicament. Apparently Carmine was a previous mentor to the two, and they agree to help in what way they can. 

The plan?They're going to be criminals. However, as the opening of this book showed, there are too many heroes for this to be a good plan. So Johnny has an idea- what if they went to a place where there were no heroes? Like Spain? And that is where the book ends. You leave this book in good shape, you have a decent plot, an unrevealed past, plenty of room for character development, and one of the best authors I've ever had the pleasure of reading from. I feel this book is a good jumping on point for a new Millar reader, as it is not too graphic (but it is graphic) and unlike his previous titles you don't end the book with either "What did I just read..." or "Oh no he didn't!". You see, Mark Millar has no boundaries in his writing, and the idea that you're given a visual representation of this is just one of the pure enjoyments I have reading his work. There's no killing in Spider-man, no cursing in Superman, and no blood in the Fantastic four. Mark Millar doesn't care, he'll have all three over a span of two pages. When you pick up his self-made titles, you'll agree- go into them without a sense of morals. 

So do you get this book? The answer is easy- Yes. It's Millar, a book from the perspective of bad guys, and you can easily get hooked. After all, there's plenty of room for jaw-dropping later.

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Book Review: The Hunger Games

NOTE: SPOILERS POSSIBLE

So with The Hunger Games coming out tonight/tomorrow if you haven't read the book, I only ask why the hell not?!? I for one must hand it to Mrs. Collins, who delivered an epic tale geared towards a young adult audience yet made it quite adult all at the same time. Unlike the Twilight Saga (which was a saga just to finish an individual page) Collins was able to capture the essence of a young 16 year old girl written from first person point of view, and not make them completely annoying.

Katniss was a girl who was relate-able, love-able, caring, and still very independent. Peeta captures the hearts of girls everywhere all while giving us gentlemen that painful reminder of what it can be like to be head over heels for a girl, who might not even know you exist. Gale is that guy who all men have been at least once, and put hard into the "friend zone" yet is he more than a friend? Even people with no siblings (myself included) will feel heart torn for Prim as she watches her sister volunteer for certain death just to protect her.

Characters like Cinna provide a very unique look into a world that is surrounded by child mayhem and murder. He gives us an insight that not all who live in the Capitol are heinous evil people who take pride in children fighting to the death. President Snow gives us a chilling feeling of watching a love-able Hitler rule with an iron fist. The prep-team are there more for comic relief than anything else, yet it is comedy that we all know isn't that funny. They are ignorant upper-class citizens who worry about cake while children starve to death in the slums. Mysterious doesn't begin to describe Haymitch. He is one character that is extremely vile and easy to hate, yet without him you wouldn't be alive yourself. He is the definition of a Hunger Games anti-hero.

The relationship between these characters and the reader gives you an insight into the world of the future where America is no more, Panem is the new nation, and slums exist as prisons. The Hunger Games is a book where no hostages are taken, you will probably want to cry, and at other times be overcome with a blood lust that you won't be able to contain it. This book is an excellent beginning to an excellent series. If I were to warn you about anything it would be starting it will lead to speed reading and the hunger to read on through the trilogy. At this point I only hope the movie will keep faithful enough to the book where I won't want to hurl a spear through the screen impaling those who blasphemed this work of art. I hope you all enjoy both, and if you didn't read it yet...what are you waiting for?

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WWE Raw Wrapup 3/19/2012

Monday Night Raw – March 19^th, 2012

The final stretch to Wrestlemania approaches:  13 short days.  Only three more shows (at least what gets shown on television) until the biggest one of the year.  A graphic reminding us that Shawn Michaels, Triple H and Undertaker will be face-to-face is shown and our WWE champion enters to start the show off strong.

CM Punk is formally announced and receives the now-expected big ovation.  A quick recap of Jericho explaining to Punk that alcoholism is in his blood from the announcers and Punk informs us that Jericho is not in the building tonight.  Punk says this shows the kind of man Jericho is.  Punk reflects on talking about his father and waits out a “CM PUNK” chant.  Punk has come to terms with his father and has accepted what he was, but it wasn’t at all Jericho’s place to bring it to the public light.  Alcoholism, as a disease, touches everyone.  Punk explains that Jericho has let loose a monster inside Punk, and now that monster is Jericho’s problem.  Punk says that our past nightmares do not cloud our future dreams.  Punk’s dad overcame alcoholism; he bested that obstacle.  Now, Jericho is Punk’s obstacle.  Punk won’t go over, around or under him; he’s going to go right through him.  Jericho appears on the Titantron, live via satellite, and apologizes for being out of line about Punk’s father.  He vows he won’t do it again.  He will, however, point out that Punk’s sister has a substance abuse problem.  He says this is all in Punk’s blood and that he will drive Punk to drink.  Punk might overcome drinking and alcoholism, but he can’t overcome Jericho defeating him at ‘Mania.  Punk yells at Jericho and the censors hit the dump button – Punk yelled to Jericho that the comment was “bullshit”, and that’s what he’s going to beat out of him at Wrestlemania.

Excellent energy to open the show and the crowd was wholeheartedly invested – booing the alcoholism, cheering Punk’s father overcoming and being disgusted with Jericho’s accusations at Punk’s sister.  This promo has me sold on this being a personal issue now, whereas in previous weeks I wasn’t entirely into it.

Back from a commercial break, Kane is mid-ring and mid-entrance, setting off his pyro.

Match 1 – Kane vs Big Show

As Big Show hits the ring, Cody Rhodes’ music immediately hits.  A goofy video of the Big Show Wrestlemania moments from the last few weeks plays as a montage.  Back in the ring, Show and Kane lock up and Show opens with body blows in the corner.  Kane throws a big boot to the head and both men grab each other for a chokeslam, resulting in them hitting the ropes and Show landing a spear.  Big Show gets on the middle rope and Cody hops on the apron, but gets shoved off.  This is enough distraction for Kane to grab Show by the neck and chokeslam him off the middle rope for the win.

Winner: Kane via pinfall

Cody quickly enters the ring and delivers the Beautiful Disaster kick to the head and then handcuffs big show in the ropes.  Cody then dons a pair of boxing gloves and absolutely lights up the Big Show, finishing with a few stomps for good measure.  When the refs break out the bolt cutters to release Show, Cody bails as Show screams after him “RUN!”.  As Show stands, he’s on spaghetti legs, selling the results of the onslaught.  Not only does Cody cost Show a quick match, he beats the hell out of him.  By the laws of professional wrestling, along with the promos Cody has run, sets him up for a loss at ‘Mania.  I said last week that I don’t see Show holding the Intercontinental Title in 2012, and I stand by that.  Please surprise me, WWE.

Match 2 – David Otunga vs Santino Marella (United States Champion), non title match

Otunga for some reason does a facsimile of Wade Barrett’s jacket-tossing entrance, but manages to get it caught around both feet up to the calves as he poses.  Please leave that spot to the professionals.  Both men are out with their respective GM’s.  Santino doesn’t take his usual lap around the ring, and heads right in – he must mean business tonight.  Or not, as Santino has painted abs on himself so he can have a pose down with Otunga.  Santino gets a charliehorse on the third pose and Otunga attacks.  Santino quickly comes back with jabs, a split dodge, a hip toss and the jumping headbutt.  The cobra comes out, but Lauranaitis slides his blackberry into the ring, which Santino lays boots to.  Santino turns around into The Verdict and eats a loss 2 weeks out from ‘Mania

Winner: David Otunga via pinfall

Long checks on Santino and Ace jaws at him, resulting in Teddy paintbrushing him and high tailing it up the ramp with Santino.  Then Teddy dances.  Not quite sure what he’s celebrating – his captain losing, or him being a sissy.  This entire thing has zero focus on the wrestlers involved, and that’s really not good for anybody, considering Dolph Ziggler is involved, who should by all rights be a top star this year and the US champion.

Quick rewind to HHH proposing Hell in a Cell at ‘Mania and a reminder that all three men will be in the ring 

together tonight.

A spot for Lord Tensai plays – he is coming soon.  As it turns out, this is going to be A-Train/Giant Bernard, who has had an excellent run in NJPW and is apparently being repackaged here.  He’s a very good big man, so welcome back.

The Rock is shown on the Titantron in front of the Rocky Balboa statue, talking about Philly being the city of ass-kickers.  He shows a picture of himself at 12 in front of the statue and self-deprecates.  He then begins to talk about the biggest stars of Wrestlemania – Hogan at WMI, Ultimate Warrior at WM6, even himself and Stone Cold Steve Austin, a match he lost.  Rock did eventually defeat Austin.  He defeated Hogan.  Now all that’s left is Cena.  If this promo accomplishes nothing else, this is a conscious effort to escalate Cena in the fan’s minds.  Rock is going to go to Pat’s (cheap pop!), get a big cheesesteak and stick it up Cena’s ass, then apparently the greats of Wrestlemania (unnamed but distinguished with a “Bang Bang!”, a “Wooooooooo!” and a “Ohhhhhh yeah, dig it!”) will thank Rock for doing this.  These are the parts of Rock’s promos that lose my attention.  That said, this was the best promo from Rock in this ‘back for Wrestlemania’ series, so all negativity aside, thumbs up from me.

Match 3 – Zack Ryder vs Daniel Bryan (World Heavyweight Champion) w/ AJ, non title match

AJ, for all her disappointed faces on Smackdown, is back to all smiles and lovey-dovey eyes for Bryan.  A clip of Ryder lobbying to join Team Teddy is shown.  Also, hell of a recovery from being in three different back braces in the last month or so, Zack.  Bryan requests (demands) a kiss for good luck and AJ obliges.  Quick chain wrestling, leading to Ryder running Bryan over, but soon after taking a knee to the gut, a kick to the back and a knee drop to the face.  Bryan stretches Ryder in the ropes, then puts pressure on his throat across the bottom rope.  Ryder fights out of the following headlock and puts Bryan in the corner for the Broski Boot.  Zack readies for the Rough Ryder, but Bryan counters, pancaking Zack down and immediately applying the Labell Lock for the win.

Winner: Daniel Bryan (World Heavyweight Champion) via submission

Bryan goes into his usual “YES!” celebration to finish the segment.  Ryder looks good for a guy who was crippled a couple of weeks ago.  The little things, like stretching Ryder the way he did, harkens back to the Daniel Bryan of old (Read: Bryan Danielson) and shows this is welcome.  If he’s going to embrace the heel run, a bit of a vicious streak is excellent.

The commentators make quick mention of Cena being in a car accident earlier in the day, selling that he might be hiding pain/aches/etc.  The fact that story broke on WWE.com raises an eyebrow, but nothing seems to be wrong with Cena.

Match 4 – John Cena vs Mark Henry

As the Philadelphia crowd usually does, Cena is met with a chorus of boos.  Cena opens by tying up with Henry, who tosses him backwards.  Cena tries a headlock, with the same result.  Henry runs Cena over with a shoulder block and lays into him in the corner.  Henry tosses Cena outside and then into the barrier.  Cena tries to roll into the ring as we go to break, but Henry stops him.  Coming back, Cena is fighting out of a hold, but eats a clothesline from Henry.  Henry lands a splash for a two count.  Henry hits a body shot in one corner and then an avalanche in the opposite one.  Henry misses the next attempt and Cena drops him with a belly-to-back suplex, followed by the Five Knuckle Shuffle.  Cena can’t quite get Henry up for the AA and tries a running cross body, but gets caught.  Henry goes for the World’s Strongest Slam, but Cena goes up and over, landing behind and lifts Henry for the Attitude Adjustment, landing it for the three.

Winner: John Cena via pinfall

Rock’s music immediately hits, he paces the stage and hits the ring, delivering Rock Bottom to Mark Henry, then leaving.  This is the big message he had in store for Cena?  I can beat up a guy you just beat up?  Cena played a good babyface in peril in this match, which is a nice change of pace from the usual “Superman” routine.  The AA bump that Henry took looked painful – Cena didn’t quite get the arm wrapped around his head, so he took it pretty high on the back.

A recap of HBK/HHH from two weeks ago plays and we’re again reminded they and Undertaker are here tonight.

A clip from “Extra” runs, which breaks down to Eve and Beth Phoenix being jealous that Maria Menounos is interviewing Kelly Kelly.  It gets physical and a tag match at Wrestlemania is set.  Last time Maria was in the ring, she pinned Beth; hopefully this year is her comeuppance, as the Divas division could really stand for their champion to NOT be beaten by a non-wrestler celebrity.

Back in the ring, Miz is already out to speak his mind – He wants to be at Wrestlemania.  He doesn’t want to headline 27 and no-show 28.  He refuses to drop off that far.  He has issued an open challenge, to show Johnny that he’s Wrestlemania material.

Match 5 – The Miz vs Sheamus

Sheamus gets to the ring faster than I’ve ever seen him move, all smiles.  Miz opens with blows to the head and Sheamus begs for more.  Miz kicks at Sheamus’ leg, going for his signature DDT, but Sheamus stands up out of it, lifts Miz in front of him, then throws him up over his head onto his shoulders for a rolling fireman’s carry.  Miz makes a short come back with his backbreaker/neckbreaker combo and then puts pressure on Sheamus in the ropes, followed by a boot to the face.  Miz applies a chinlock, which of course affords Sheamus the opening to power out.  Sheamus beats Miz in the corner and delivers a powerslam.  Sheamus readies and calls for the Brough Kick, which Miz dodges, only to turn around into another one for the loss.

Winner: Sheamus via pinfall

So far tonight, Ryder has lobbied to join Team Teddy, been booked in a match and lost, which Miz has repeated.  Hopefully something comes of it for one of them, otherwise they got beat up for no reason.

A short video recaps Jericho’s accusations of Punk’s sister from earlier tonight and we are told that Randy Orton will be out next.

Josh Matthews introduces Randy Orton, who comes out onto the stage for a quick interview.  When asked how he will defeat a monster, he responds with “How will the monster beat me?”  Well that wasn’t informative, Randy.  In the span of about 90 seconds, Orton basically lays out that he’ll be able to defeat Kane because his name is Randy Orton.  Almost too basic of a promo for someone who’s been around as long as Orton.

Vickie Guerrero is out to announce the two newest members of Team Johnny, who just so happen to have a tag match next:  Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler

Match 6 – Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler vs Kofi Kingston and R-Truth

A commercial plays, and back from break, Aksana and Vickie are being separated by their respective teams (Kofi/Truth’ entrances were not shown on TV).  Kofi starts the match against Swagger, laying into him with kicks.  Kofi stops an attempted double team and lands a crossbody.  Ziggler lands a blow and Swagger lands a swaggerbomb.  Kofi is hammered in the corner and Ziggler tags in.  Kofi counters an attempted neckbreaker into a backslide, but Ziggler lands a dropkick to the face for two.  Swagger tags in and lands elbows into the ribs of Kofi, then does pushups on him.  The show-off is rubbing off on his partner.  Kofi fights out of a surfboard stretch and dives for a tag to R-Truth, but Swagger counters him.  Kofi turns this into a big elevated DDT and both teams make the tag.  Truth is all over Ziggler and lands the Lie Detector, followed by his sitout gourdbuster.  Swagger breaks up a pin attempt after the flurry.  Ziggler dodges an Axe Kick from Truth then lands a kick to the knee and his version of the Fameasser (Ziggler really needs a name for this, as the commentators never know what to call it).  Truth gets his foot on the ropes, but Vickie knocks it off, resulting in a pin.

Winners:  Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler via (admittedly dirty) pinfall

Aksana does not take kindly to this result and gets in Vickie’s face, resulting in a cat fight that Joey Styles must have been dying to call.  So at this point, there’s more focus on Aksana/Vickie and the GM’s themselves than the multiple talented guys in this 12 man tag match.  That’s irksome.

A clip from a house show at Madison Square Garden plays, showing HHH back in the ring, readying the Pedigree on Ziggler, but opting to lift him up for a Tombstone and pin him Undertaker-style.  Good message to Taker and a good call to show it on Raw, but I feel this would be way more impactful if we didn’t see HHH Tombstone Undertaker himself last year for the closest two count I’ve ever seen.

Following the clip, we’re greeted with Shawn Michaels making his full entrance.  Shawn is happy to report that even though he’s only the special referee, everyone is talking about him.  He holds the end of an era in the palm of his hand.  He asks rhetorically “Can I be impartial?” and is answered with the gong of the Undertaker’s entrance.  ‘Taker reiterates that the result of this match must remain “pure” which is ‘Taker code for “no bullshit”.  Triple H approaches the ring, making his full water bottle entrance.  HHH tells Undertaker not to worry about Shawn; it’s not about him.  It’s about HHH and ‘Taker.  Triple H explains that of the 24 Hell in a Cell matches in WWE history, 19 of them have involved Hunter and/or Undertaker.  The Cell is where HHH learned, where he thrives, where he excels.  Undertaker asks if Hunter will put it all on the line – family, career, life?  Triple H is more than happy to agree.   Before leaving the ring, Undertaker asks Triple H if he remembers a couple weeks ago when he proposed the question of whether Shawn Michaels was the better of the two men.  “He is”.  Cheap shot from Undertaker, drawing ire from Triple H and a top-notch shit eating grin from HBK.

Two weeks out from the show, this is a bit of a weak Raw.  The first hour’s wrestling action was entirely minimal.  Punk and Jericho’s promo absolutely helped to push their match forward to the forefront.  Multiple segments are dedicated to the General Managers on a weekly basis, with the focus on them and their valets, but barely on the wrestlers involved.  Cena/Rock was given a slightly different focus: Rock “needing” to beat Cena, when the verbiage was the opposite until recently.  Sheamus is still looking incredibly strong heading into Wrestlemania and they haven’t taken any silly or unnecessary missteps with his run to the title match.  Egos abound in the HHH/Taker match, which is expected and not at all unwelcome.

Coming up soon, The Geek Asylum will have some Wrestlemania predictions.  We welcome your contributions in the comments!

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[Poll] Should Bioware redo the ending to Mass Effect 3? You decide.

I'm sick of this talk about Mass Effect's ending, I really am. I'm not done with the game quite yet, but when I do, I'll make sure that I hate it. Then I'll boycott Bioware and EA's products as a form of protest. Why? Because that's what you do when you don't like a creative property, you throw a bitch fit and a frivolous FTC filing at a fool. Like a boss.

Joking aside, it's absurd, to me at least, for fans to be up in arms about an ending. I hate the ending to Indiana Jones and The Crytsal Skull, but I'm not having a stroke over it. You just hate it and move on. However, Bioware co-founder Dr. Ray Muzyka does make some valid points about how the Mass Effect fan base does have the right to be upset. After all they've made all of this possible by supporting the game.

"I believe passionately that games are an art form, and that the power of our medium flows from our audience, who are deeply involved in how the story unfolds, and who have the uncontested right to provide constructive criticism. At the same time, I also believe in and support the artistic choices made by the development team.  The team and I have been thinking hard about how to best address the comments on ME3’s endings from players, while still maintaining the artistic integrity of the game." ---Dr. Ray Muzyka

Regardless of what you may think, it still astounds me that this issue has gone this far. As Muzyka stated, fans have the right to make provide "constructive criticism". There is no need for an all out revolt. What I think isn't important though, what do you think? Check out the poll and comment below. 

Source: Bioware

Should Bioware redo the ending for Mass Effect 3?



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[Video] First Look at Battlestar: Blood and Chrome

I remember Battlestar Galactica being this epic story driven, character rich television sci-fi drama. Hell, it might arguably be the best sci-fi drama that has ever been on television. I watched that bad boy from beginning to end, without stopping. I think I killed that entire show in about 2-3 weeks. Watching Starbuck kick cylon ass up and down different solar systems throughout the galaxy gave me chills. Watching Lee Adama slowly, but surely climb the ranks of what was left of the military. In sort, it is one of my favorite shows to date. 

Then when I woke up this morning and booted my computer up I saw something that brought back those galactic chills and those electric shivers, there is a prequel to the re-imagination series in the works and the trailer was just released today. I will post it below so those of you who haven’t seen it yet can watch it in awe. I warn you though; the trailer will remind some of you of “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.” That’s not in a bad way though, because this trailer actually pulls it off quite well.

The new series, entitled Battlestar: Blood and Chrome, will take place prior to the event in Battlestar: Galactica. It will focus on William Adama (father of Lee Adama, aka: Apollo) and his adventures throughout the Human/Cylon war. I think that this new spin off has the potential to be fantastic, however, like BSG it will need exactly the right execution to nail the hardcore fans right in between the eyes.

Let me know when you guys think in the comments below.

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Review: Welcome....to TWISTED METAL!

Twisted Metal is a contest held by Calypso, where cars are suited with various weapons and everyone tries to kill each other. You advance through the levels by wiping out the competition, and when you're all done the driver gets one wish granted.

How it works: As with every Twisted Metal game, you assume the role of a driver in the contest and advance through levels. You have various weapon pickups, special attacks, machine guns, etc. You can even kill pedestrians in the level or destroy scenery if you so choose. In this installment, the cars are much faster (seriously, my first few choices left me completely in awe) and there are many more vehicles that have various armor, speed, and special weapon values; in short, there's a vehicle for every kind of player, with no single vehicle that just completely outclasses the rest.

Graphics: Graphics are killer! If you ever played Twisted Metal 2, then moved on through the timeline (TM3, TM4, TM:Black, this) you know the graphics just get better and better. The cars are so smooth, there's barely any pixel-style graphics, and even with the incredible speed nothing is too confusing. So then there's that other thing you're probably wondering about- Cutscenes.

They are there, and they're in the story, and they're mostly live action. That's right, there are live action cutscenes. Now keep this in mind- there are only 11 of these bad boys, but that's ok. You didn't turn on a game to watch some acting, you turned it on to kick some Twisted Metal Ass. So enjoy the cutscenes, they're beautiful, but remember you're enjoying a game, not a theater production.

Gameplay: I'll admit, it was tough. I got through the story on normal difficulty, and it still left me running to a guide. Unlike previous games, this isn't just your simple "Kill them all" game. There are some levels like that, but then there are some not so much. There's a cage-style level, where you have to stay inside a cage or you begin to lose health...and the cage occasionally moves to a different part of the arena. There's races, so if you're a fan of Death Race you'll enjoy this- you have to travel through gates or checkpoints to the finish, which usually blows up the other vehicles, or to get a 4-way free for all at the end.

There's the Juggernaut levels, where there are large 18-wheelers that pack massive hit points and armor, and every 90 seconds release a new combatant onto the field, adding to your total targets. Last but certainly not least, there are bosses, but telling you anything about them will ruin them, so just get that far and be prepared to hit "Retry" a few times, it will happen. I think this is a big jump from previous Twisted Metal games, having a variety of levels doesn't make it "just another Twisted Metal Game", it's special.

Characters: In previous games, you had a selection of characters with unique vehicles for each, the same levels, and different endings. In this game, you have three characters for the Story mode, four overall- Sweet Tooth, Mr Grimm, Dollface, and Preacher (Preacher being solely for multi-player). However, the vehicles are not limited- in this game, you choose a driver, THEN a vehicle. So you start the game as Sweet Tooth, but you can drive the Sweet Tooth car, or you can drive say Death Warrant. As you progress through the story, different vehicles are unlocked, including a helicopter. What's more is that since you can drive different vehicles, the story modes can be played with those vehicles.

So let's say you beat the first level with the Sweet Tooth Ice Cream Truck. But you don't like it. So on Level two, you choose Death Warrant. And so forth as you choose. After all, who cares who is behind the wheel, you're going to kill them anyway. For multiplayer and the stages, enemy vehicles aren't necessarily characters like Sweet Tooth, but his minions, named Clowns. There's a faction for Mr Grimm, Dollface, and Preacher too. Each vehicle has two special weapon options, simply switching by going to your special and hitting Triangle (Such as switching to the Sweet Bot mode for Sweet Tooth).

Multiplayer: Don't be fooled- there's a code inside the game for online multiplayer. This isn't a bad thing, it's so that you don't do one of two things- first it prevents you from creating multiple accounts to achieve the best ranking, since you have to purchase (or get free from the game code inside the packaging) the online pass. Secondly, it prevents people from just going out to a Gamestop or PlayNTrade, spending $20 in due time on a used copy, and getting all of the perks of someone who spent top dollar.

In short, you get what you deserve. Multiplayer though is exactly how it sounds in the other paragraphs- solid. You have easily obtainable goals, teams or free for all, and the graphics and playability is smooth and fast-paced. The max players in 16, and trust me any more would just be a bloodbath; 16 is a nice sound number keeping a decent level of competition will not cluttering the field with vehicles.It probably also affects connections, but since I don't know spit about all that technical crap I won't go into it.

Upgrades from previous games: There's just too many Okay, so there's less cutscenes, but like I said, you're here to kick ass, not watch wishes be granted. First, there is no Minion. That's right. NO MINION. Now that means simply there is no character everyone runs to and beats the crap out of everyone. No, it's actually pretty fair now. You might say differently when you see the helicopter for the first time, also a new addition, but with the weak armor and easy targeting, Helicopter players are few and far between.

The game adds two new weapons- Shotgun and Sniper, the latter of which can score a OHKO. There are also upgrades to the Sidearms. No longer do you have to sit behind a slow moving machine gun- you can no choose a Shotgun, Magnum, Rocket Launchers...as you unlock them of course. Lastly, the directional buttons are now your shortcut keys- no more combos to do a freeze attack, mine drop, or temp. shield; they're assigned to the Up, Left, and Right buttons respectively. 

Also, the soundtrack is disgusting. There's a little something for everyone, and if there isn't, you have a solution- grab a CD of your favorite crap, upload it to your ps3. Then, from the options menu, you select "Custom" for the soundtrack, which prompts your uploaded songs section, and you make a playlist. How can you go wrong!? Also, there's some original stuff too...

If you've ever played a Twisted Metal game before, you're going to get EVERYTHING you want out of this game. If you've never played a Twisted Metal game before, aside from the utter shame I wish upon you, you're in luck- included in the Limited Edition of the game is a code for Twisted Metal: Black as Downloadable Content. I just love bonuses.

GA Verdict: 10/10

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WWE Smackdown Lowdown 3/16/2012

Friday Night Smackdown – March 16th, 2012

WWE seems to have given up on the countdown to Wrestlemania (although, I’m currently taking bets on how many times they remind it’s in 6 and 2 days on the last Raw and Smackdown respectively), but I have not!  Sixteen days, just over two weeks until the biggest show of year.  The time to elevate new talent and revive returning talent.  And on that note, Smackdown starts with the return of Christian and the Peep Show.

Christian receives a warm reaction, especially for someone we saw as a whiny heel a short time ago.  Christian mentions the General Manager 12-man tag match and then introduces John Lauranaitis, who walks the ramp doing his best politician wave.  Mr. Excitement and Captain Charisma share the ring before Teddy Long makes his entrance.  In the interim, the announcers fill us in on the fact that R-Truth joined Team Teddy Long via Twitter.  Such a tiny announcement for someone who gets as much of a reaction as Truth does. 

Christian, being the fair man that he is, tells both GM’s that he’s a free agent for ‘Mania and they can each make their case to recruit him.  Long makes no effort and Johnny showers Christian with praise, so another heel joins the fold of Team John Lauranaitis.  Teddy Long, not to be outdone, announces that Kofi Kingston has joined his team and announces that Kofi will face David Otunga next.  Santino escorts Kofi out to the ring and is desperately frightened by Kofi’s pyro.  Always good for a chuckle, that Santino.

Match 1 – Kofi Kingston vs David Otunga

Otunga was out with Johnny as usual, but was in his usual lawyer garb, so he’ll wrestle this match in dress pants and shoes.  Not very nice, Mr. Long.  A quick back and forth exchange leads Otunga to a corner, where Kofi looks to land a monkey flip, but Otunga shoves him off.  Otunga clubs the back and settles into a dragon sleeper, allowing him to deliver forearms to Kofi’s chest.  Out of the sleeper, Otunga goes back to clubbing Kofi’s back.  Long and Ace are on commentary during the match and the back and forth is nothing shy of painful; the exchange is infantile and nobody looks or sounds good. 

Kofi begins to fight back on Otunga with a kick, but runs into a powerslam and clotheslines in opposite corners.  Kofi hits a signature springboard crossbody for two and follows with signature chops and a dropkick.  Kofi sets up for the Boomdrop, but Christian hooks his leg to trip him.  Kofi eats a huge lariat from Otunga and both men are down in the ring. 

Long tells the ref what Christian did and the ref ejects him.  Shouldn’t that have just been a DQ?  The GM’s get into it on the floor for what seems like the tenth week in a row and Otunga uses the distraction to ready his belt as a weapon.  Santino hops onto the apron and stops him, only to take a punch for his efforts.  Otunga turns around into the Trouble in Paradise and it’s good for a three count.

Winner: Kofi Kingston via pinfall

The focus quickly shifts to the back, which is fine, considering I think everyone is tired of the GM’s antics at this point.  We see the World Heavyweight Champion Daniel Bryan waiting outside a locker room for AJ to emerge.  Bryan explains to her that the dress he bought her looked better on the mannequin, but he arranged a match for her tonight, which could lead to a title shot, so she better get ready.  I get the ego-driven jerk boyfriend angle, but I don’t quite understand the cruelty Bryan has shown lately.  My early prediction:  AJ escorts Bryan to the ring at ‘Mania, he jaws with her during the match, he gets slapped and walks into a Brough Kick.

Match 2 – Nikki Bella (w/Brie Bella) vs AJ

After the ladies make their entrance (The Bellas always seem to get their full entrance), Bryan enters separately to stand in AJ’s corner.  As he makes his entrance, for the match he arranged just for AJ, you can see a bit of exasperation on AJ’s face.  The ability to show an emotion puts her a few steps above most of the divas already.  Nikki gets on her knees to mock –fight AJ, and she eats a front dropkick in the mush for it.  Nikki takes over and settles into a submission hold in the middle of the ring, drawing some screams of pain from AJ and words of “encouragement” from Bryan at ringside. 

AJ fights out and lands a spin kick to the head of Nikki and follows with a top rope crossbody.  The Bellas attempt some twin magic, but are caught by Bryan, who brings it to the attention of the ref.  While the ref is distracted, Brie yanks AJ down to the mat by her hair and Nikki lifts her for a pendulum backbreaker or side slam, but AJ flips up and around, landing in a schoolgirl for the pin.

Winner: AJ via pinfall

Bryan celebrates as if he picked up the win, which we all expect from him at this point, drawing a bit more ire from his girlfriend.  The commentary in this match needs mentioning – it was absolutely atrocious.  Throughout the match, Booker T complains that Bryan said this would lead to a Divas title shot and who is he to make that decree?  Thing is, Bryan said this “could” lead her towards a Divas title shot, so Booker has his feathers ruffled for no reason. 
Also, Booker pointed out that with the flip over and roll through, this wasn’t a “real” win for AJ.  So that’s the assessment from the former wrestler turned commentator, ladies and gents: Rollups don’t count.  It’s a shame, really; that means that half of the wins in WWE, TNA and ROH don’t count for shit.  Thanks for more quality noise pollution, Booker.

We follow the divas match with a Raw Rebound to Monday’s Rock concert.

Returning to the show, we see Cody Rhodes in the back, and he is asked how he plans to defend against and defeat someone the size of Big Show.  Cody explains that while Show is a dominating monster all year, he faces him on the one day of the year where he falters:  Wrestlemania.  “How will I defeat a giant?  Just watch.”

Match 3 – The Great Kahli vs Cody Rhodes (Intercontinental Champion); non-title match

Rhodes opens with an attempted boot to the gut, which Kahli effortlessly catches and uses to toss Rhodes back.  Rhodes chops Kahli’s chest, but Kahli ignores it and takes over.  Rhodes hits the ropes, but runs into a big overhead right.  Rhodes answers with dropkicks to the knee of Kahli.  Once down to one knee, Rhodes tries to lock an armbar on Kahli, but he powers out. 

Rhodes takes Kahli down again and drops elbows on the knee and locks the leg.  Khali clubs his way out of the hold and Cody heads up top.  Cody takes to the skies, but jumps into a big chest chop, followed by clotheslines.  Cody ends up on the apron, and this affords him the chance to drop Kahli throat first across the top rope, followed by a kick to the head, a quick hop into the ring and a second rope missile dropkick to the knee.  While Kahli struggles to get to his feet, Cody lands the Beautiful Disaster kick for a clean win.

Winner: Cody Rhodes via pinfall

I would like to point out that I’m thrilled to see Cody Rhodes get a clean win over Kahli.  No bullshit, no shenanigans – he knocked the man down and kicked his head off.  Of course, going by the laws of professional wrestling, this sets him up to lose to Big Show, but I have a hard time believing they put the IC title on Big Show at this point, considering how well Rhodes has done with it.

Randy Orton is heading out to the ring.  Randy reminds us that his name is indeed Randy Orton.  Orton tells us that he doesn’t usually talk about his problems; he hunts them down.  Lately he feels that he is the hunted – hunted by Kane.  Orton is fine with a fight, he just wants to know why.  Unlike Cena, he embraces hate, and hate embraces him.  He calls Kane out to explain the last couple of weeks.  Kane enters to pyro and music, but stops on the stage. 

Kane’s explanation is that last summer, Orton defeated him in a street fight.  After the match, Kane offered a hand shake and Orton obliged.  Kane felt at his lowest at this point; his most human.  Kane has now shed his humanity and feels WWE isn’t big enough for both of them. 

Kane wants closure, and he wants to get it by decimating Orton.  Orton invites him to the ring, but Kane says he wants to do it at Wrestlemania.  So long and short, Kane wants to destroy Randy Orton, but wants to do it with a big audience.  Ok, that makes wrestling sense.  ‘Mania it is.

The same “hire David Otunga via Twitter” spot airs from Raw.  What’s scary is some people will probably actually do this for legal counsel.

Drew McIntyre makes a full entrance into the ring and is greeted with Teddy Long on the Titantron.  Teddy welcomes Drew back…with a match against Big Show.

Match 4 – Drew McIntyre vs Big Show

Show forces Drew into the corner with body shots.  Drew takes a big slap to the chest and a pair of scoop 

slams, but answers back with a boot to the face and a chop block.  McIntyre looks to wrap Show up for the Future Shock, but Show pushes him off and delivers a spear, a chokeslam and the Weapon of Mass Destruction.  Drew is out cold and the referee stops the match

Winner: Big Show via referee stoppage

This sets up Show to look like a major threat to Cody heading into Wrestlemania - he doesn’t even have to defeat the man, he’ll just knock him out.  Also a nice touch that Drew won his ‘welcome back’ match against Hornswoggle via referee stoppage.  Drew barely pulled any offense against Big Show, but Cody Rhodes, who is 4 inches shorter and probably 30-40 pounds lighter beat Khali clean.  Makes you wonder why D Mac has that big money contract in the first place…

Match 5 – Mark Henry vs Yoshi Tatsu

Tatsu opens with a dropkick, kicks and chops, all of which have no effect.  Henry headbutts Tatsu down and screams at him to get up, as he picks him up.  Henry delivers a Bulldog-style running powerslam and the World’s Strongest Slam for the three.

Winner: Mark Henry via pinfall

Nice to see Yoshi on TV, I guess; better than Henry squashing a ‘Mania participant and making someone look weak going into their big match.  Every wrestling program can get away with a squash match – couple signature spots and a big slam to make the crowd happy.  Two right in a row seems a bit lazy.

We see a clip of Zack Ryder’s Z! True Long Island Story, asking Teddy Long to be on his Wrestlemania team.  Ryder has also organized a “Ryder Riot” for the Raw to follow.  Doesn’t say much for him if he has to beg this much to get on the team; he was the assistant to the SD GM for a while there, after all.

Match 6 – Chris Jericho vs Sheamus

The number one contenders to the top titles face off.  Sheamus overpowers Jericho out of the initial tie up.  Important to point out that this has a foundation other than “the two number one contenders”; these were the final two participants in this year’s Royal Rumble.  Sheamus runs Jericho over with a shoulder block and Jericho bails to the outside.  Sheamus follows and jettisons himself over the top rope for a shoulder block as Jericho comes off the ropes, back in the ring. 

Jericho starts to come back but misses a dive into the corner and rolls out, ending up on the apron to take Sheamus’ rope-tied forearms to the chest, which Booker T dubs “Musical Chairs”.  Even his broadcast colleagues had nothing to say to this.  If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all, I guess.  Following the forearms, Sheamus lifts Jericho into a stalling suplex.  Sheamus rushes Jericho, but he forces Sheamus to the outside.  Heading into the break, Daniel Bryan and AJ approach ringside.

Back from the break, Jericho is in charge and lifts Sheamus for a belly to back for a one count.  Again, Jericho seems to be the only person in WWE using this suplex as an offensive move and not just a counter at this point.  Sheamus fights back from his knees, but Jericho cuts him off with a front dropkick to keep control.  Sheamus starts his comeback and counters Jericho’s one handed bulldog into the corner.  Sheamus lands axe handles and a clothesline in the corner, leading to the usual powerslam, but Jericho slips out and hits the ropes.  Unfortunately, he runs right into the Irish Curse backbreaker. 

After a reset, Sheamus catches Jericho on his shoulder for what looked like another powerslam attempt, but Jericho was in an awkward position, so Sheamus puts him in a fireman’s carry and does a roll through slam.  That’s the second time this week Sheamus called a good audible mid-match; good for him. 

Jericho goes for the Codebreaker, but Sheamus puts him in the corner and attempts a Brough kick, getting his leg stuck on the top rope in the process.  Jericho hits a triangle jump dropkick and the Lionsault for two.  Sheamus fights out of the seated corner position he finds himself in, reaches up to the top rope and flips himself up to the top, but Jericho crotches him.  Chops to Sheamus while he is seated up top, but Sheamus fights out with strikes and lands a flying shoulder block for two.  Sheamus calls for the Celtic Cross, but Jericho counters into the Walls of Jericho. 

Sheamus reaches the ropes and tries for the Celtic Cross again, but Jericho wriggles out and gets clotheslined over the top rope.  Sheamus follows and throws Jericho at Bryan and AJ.  They move out of the way – to note here, Bryan got himself a nice comfy chair, while AJ stood behind him.  He’s got the ‘dick heel’ down to a science.  Sheamus is knocked off the apron by Jericho and while Jericho ties up the ref’s attention, Bryan sneaks in a low dropkick to the head.  Thanks to this, Sheamus gets counted out.

Winner: Chris Jericho via countout

Sheamus is less than thrilled with the result and the circumstances and goes after Bryan, who hightails it up the ramp, AJ at the rear.  Again, minimal concern for her well being.  Sheamus is visibly irate and delivers a Brough Kick to Jericho in the ring to vent.

A lot of advancement of the GM storyline, with multiple additions to the two teams announced and facing one another.  If they continue down the path of AJ getting matches, perhaps she will get a slow build toward a divas title match.  If you saw any of her in FCW, she really plays the ‘bitch heel’ very well and is solid in the ring.  They have two options aside from the usual “do nothing”: She finally gets frustrated with Bryan and turns on him, somehow costing him the title, or she turns heel to match him and helps him retain in some fashion. 

She has a good array of kicks to compliment Bryan’s, and it would be a nice change of pace, given that everyone expects Sheamus to beat Bryan (most expecting this to open the show).  Cody Rhodes and Big Show were both shown to be strong competitors, which is a better lead in than your typical “one guy sucks for three weeks but overcomes and wins at the PPV” scenario. 

I still predict Cody somehow leaving ‘Mania with the IC title.  Jericho got a cheap heel win, but Sheamus looked very strong in the match.  And of course we got a silly explanation for Orton/Kane – by wrestling standards, it’s good enough, but I predict some kind of stipulation added to the match before April 1^st arrives.  With Kane talking about closure, perhaps a loser leaves town type of match?

Coming up will be next week’s Raw and a look into the Geek Asylum’s Wrestlemania predictions.  How much will we be in line with one another, and more importantly with the show?  We shall see.

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