WWE Raw Wrapup - 5/7/2012

WWE Monday Night Raw - May 7th, 2012

We open another Monday night with Big Johnny.  He goes on a tirade about having undisputed authority and wounding John Cena's pride, but most importantly, he declares that nobody may mock his voice.  He shows pictures of his time as Johnny Ace in Japan, trying to gain credibility as an opponent for Cena in two weeks.  After telling us that Lauranaitis vs Cena will be bigger than Rock/Cena and Brock/Cena, CM Punk comes out to interrupt.  Punk tells the boss that he's bold, but he hasn't a clue about "people power".  Punk reminds Ace that the fans don't want to see him.  Punk continues and tells Ace that he's just mad that he put all his chips on Lesnar and he lost.  Punk digs in deeper and tells him that he only went to Japan because nobody in the US would pay to see him wrestle.  Ace asks Punk if he's finished and the people tell him "No."  Punk goes on to tell Ace he's ugly, stupid and has no friends.  Punk asks the people if he's finished and they still say "No."  Punk calls Ace a toolbox.  Ace says he'd pummel Punk, but he's in training; instead, Punk will face Tensai tonight.

The opening seemed to be designed to lead to the main event instead of pushing a feud forward, which isn't a great design.

Big Show will get his rematch for the IC title tonight, even though Smackdown told us that he would get it over the weekend.  Johnny walks into Big Show and yells at him; Show mocks his voice.  Uh-oh.  Eve walks in to the scene and has a disappointed look on her face.

Match 1 - Big Show vs Cody Rhodes (c), Intercontinental Championship

Show opens strong, like he does every match.  Frying pan slap, big biel and another frying pan.  Rhodes fights back and lands a Beautiful Disasater, but Show gets his hand up.  Rhodes goes for a boot, but Show grabs the foot and flips him backwards.  Rhodes ends up outside, grabs his belt and goes to leave, but is caught by Show, who rolls him in.  Rhodes is too quick and leaves another side of the ring and splits.

Winner: Big Show via count-out

Eve enters to a shower of "Hoeski" chants and demands Big Show apologize for mocking Johnny before.  She explains there's no call for a giant freak with no life skills besides wrestling, so it's in his best interested to say sorry.  Show does.  That's it.  Some "severe consequence".

We rewind to Kofi and R-Truth winning the Tag Titles last week, so one of them must have a match next.

Match 2 - Kofi Kingston vs Dolph Ziggler

Kofi opens with an arm wrench, and Ziggler counters into his own.  Kofi whiffs an attack in the corner and Ziggler rolls him up for two.  Ziggler follows with a dropkick for another two.  It's Ziggler's turn to airball in the corner, which leads to Kofi's clothesline, double chop, dropkick and jumping clothesline, leading to the Boomdrop.  Jack Swagger hops on the apron to run interference, but Kofi shakes off the Zigzag then hits the SOS for a very close two.  Behind the ref's back, Swagger trips Kofi off the second rope, allowing Ziggler to hit the Zigzag for the three.

Winner: Dolph Ziggler via pinfall

Dirty win, but a better direction for Ziggler than the one he has been heading in lately.  Swagger/Ziggler and Kofi/Truth could have good tag matches if given the time, so maybe we'll get that moving forward.

Michael Cole interviews John Cena via satellite.  Cena's elbow has no permanent damage, and he will be at Over the Limit, despite his doctors' suggestion.  The Board of Directors, rather than contact (and fire) Lauranaitis apparently reached out to Cena first, and that's why Ace hasn't been fired; Cena requested it.  That's not good corporate structure or practice, but hey, it's wrestling.  Cena shows a fire here and no goofy smirks, so this gets a pass from me.

Match 3 - Natalya and Maxine vs Layla and Kelly Kelly

Once again, no entrance for Natalya, but Kelly Kelly and Layla each make an individual one.  Beth Phoenix is on commentary and doesn't say anything particularly useful; she gets her rematch at OTL.  No tags are made in this match at all - Maxine starts in with Layla, they have a short back and forth and Layla hits the Layout for the win.

Winners: Layla and Kelly Kelly via pinfall

Why not just have had a singles match with Layla and Maxine, other than an excuse to parade Kelly out?  Ugh.  Phoenix made one point - What did Layla do to deserve a title shot?  She's been gone for a year.  Lawler tries to justify it, somehow, by repeating that she was gone for a year.  I agree with Phoenix - You should earn a title shot.



Match 4 - Alberto del Rio and Chris Jericho vs Randy Orton and Sheamus

I don't know what it is with WWE and Randy Orton being in random tag matches.  A lot of good back and forth tag action here.  Michael Cole flub of the night:  Orton lands a dropkick and Cole says "You don't see Randy throw many of those!"  Really?  Because he does it every match and has one of the best dropkicks in the business.  Goof.  As we progress to the end of the match, Sheamus finally gets the hot tag and runs wild on Jericho.  He tries the Celtic Cross, but his still injured shoulder gives out, though he manages to land the Irish Curse with that arm seconds later.  Del Rio breaks up the pin attempt here and gets an RKO for his trouble.  Sheamus lines up for the Brough Kick and Jericho dodges, causing Sheamus to hit Orton by mistake.  Sheamus turns around into a Codebreaker for the three.

Winners: Alberto del Rio and Chris Jericho via pinfall

Sheamus tries to help Orton up, and as he gets to his feet, he RKOs Sheamus.

A nice change of pace from the usual Sheamus and/or Orton tag matches we see on a weekly basis.  It opens up rivalries and Jericho has just pinned the champion, usually meaning he's going to get a title shot soon.  The number one contender, del Rio, will probably have something to say about that.

Ace and Eve are in the back and agree Big Show's apology was insincere.  Jericho barges in and says he deserves the next title shot.  Alberto disagrees.  Orton heads in and says he should get the shot (now really, he has the least claim here).  A fight breaks out and Sheamus runs in to even the odds.  Orton is less than gracious and Sheamus tells him as much.  Ace makes the title match at Over the Limit a Fatal Four Way.  We all hate him, but Big Johnny makes way more interesting matches than Teddy Long ever did.

Match 5 - Brodus Clay vs The Miz

Well I guess it's better than no TV time at all for Miz.  Miz compares Brodus to King Hippo from Punchout!, which was obviously a line fed to him.  Miz gets knocked out of the ring, Brodus' ladies laugh at him, he moves toward them and Brodus gets mad.  After a quick exchange and a DDT in the ring, Brodus gets back to his feet and we end up with the usual headbutt, t-bone and splash.

Winner: Brodus Clay via pinfall

Better than the recent Brodus Clay matches, as there was a bit more back and forth, and the kids seem to love the Funkasaurus, so we may as well all get used to seeing this on a weekly basis.  Miz still cuts promos about being the most must see blah blah in blah, even though he hasn't been relevant all year.  Miz needs new shtick as bad as Brodus.

Replay of HHH getting his arm broken by Brock Lesnar.

Brock Lesnar's music hits and out comes...Paul Heyman!  I don't think anyone expected him to appear during this Lesnar run, so this is actually a legitimate and interesting surprise for once.  Heyman will be representing Lesnar here tonight.  He reminds us that Lesnar did what he said he would:  Kick asses and hurt people.

Reading a statement from Lesnar, Heyman tells us that Brock brought legitimacy to the WWE and was rewarded with corporate BS.  HHH was jealous; he lasted an hour in a cage with Undertaker and couldn't last a minute in a ring with Lesnar.  Lesnar is never coming back; he quits!

And just like that, Heyman returns on the side of Lesnar, the seeds of a HHH/Lesnar fight around Summerslam are planted and the hardcore fans got to mark out for their favorite bald-ponytail.  And it didn't drag on.  Definition of a good segment right here.

Big Show is in the back with the stars of Common Law airing on USA soon.  Or tonight.  Whatever.  They mock Ace's voice, Big Show laughs and Eve walks in with disappointed face again.  Her being upset is going to lead to something, and the fact that Show got caught twice makes him the prime target.

CM Punk enters for the main event, followed by Ace - "This is going to be a handicap match - against Tensai and Daniel Bryan!"

Match 6 - CM Punk vs Lord Tensai and Daniel Bryan

Back from a break, with no entrances for anyone, Tensai opens up by running Punk over.  Bryan and Tensai tag in and out on Punk early on.  Tensai hits his stalling butterfly suplex, preceded by knees and tosses Punk out to the floor.  Punk fights, but gets slammed into the ring post.  Back in the ring, Tensai slaps on a nerve hold and then suffers a Tensai senton.  Bryan tags back in and comes up empty on a diving headbutt.  Punk slingshots Bryan into the corner, then hits a leg lariat, swinging neckbreaker and the knee/bulldog combo.  Bryan escapes the GTS and tags out.  Bryan gets clotheslined over the top and Tensai clotheslines Punk.  Tensai misses a body attack in the corner and takes a kick to the skull.  Punk gets distracted by Bryan and Sakamoto and walks into a chokebomb attempt from Tensai - he lands it, but there was a miscommunication on the timing and Punk barely leaves the ground.  Tensai sprays the mist on his hand and Claws Punk's head.  Tensai lands the Claw STO and pins Punk.

Winners: Lord Tensai and Daniel Bryan via pinfall

Why is that mist legal exactly?  After the match or to draw a DQ is fine, but there's no logical reason why Tensai can spray green goop on his hand and rub it in a guy's eyes on a consistent basis.  Regardless, Bryan follows up on the carnage and locks in the Yes!lock twice on his opponent at OTL.  So both champions have hurt arms going into the PPV?

Not a bad Raw - Ziggler/Kofi played nice together, the tag and handicap matches were both entertaining, with outcomes that aren't the bog standard that we're always subjected to and Paul Heyman cut a good, succinct promo, furthering a storyline.  That's all we ask, guys.  Just do this on a weekly basis.

Starting next week, we may roll the Friday's Smackdown and the next Monday's Raw into a single article - let us know what you think about that!