WWE Raw Wrapup 3/26/2012

Monday Night Raw – March 26^th, 2012

It’s the final week.  The Wrestlemania train has one last chance to pick up steam heading into the station on Sunday.  This Friday doesn’t quite count, as the focus of the show will be on the Axxess weekend show, with a couple of matches sprinkled in.  Tonight, The Rock and John Cena will stand face to face in the middle of the ring for one final promo – The last attempt to sell people who are on the fence.  But the show starts with Randy Orton’s theme music.

Match 1 – Randy Orton and Sheamus vs Kane and Daniel Bryan (World Heavyweight Champion)

Two matches’ worth of combatants in the opener of the go-home Raw.  All four men have put hands on one another for weeks, so they’re not exactly giving away anything here.  Orton and Bryan start, but not until after Bryan gets his now-customary good luck kiss from AJ.  Orton grabs a headlock and shoulder blocks Bryan down, which Bryan answers with kicks.  Off the ropes, Orton throws him with a back body drop and signature Orton stomps.  Orton whiffs the after-stomp knee drop and Bryan goes into his backflip routine off the turnbuckle, but runs into a clothesline.  This resets us, as both men tag out.  Kane and Sheamus tie up and Kane comes out on top after a throat thrust.  Sheamus lands a chopblock and a knee on Kane in return and lands big right hands.  Kane elbows Sheamus off the ropes and lands a low dropkick for two.  Sheamus boots Kane out of the corner and climbs up top for his diving shoulder.  Kane ends up throwing Sheamus outside and Bryan tags him with a jumping knee off the apron, leading to a commercial.  Back from break, Sheamus is fighting out of a Bryan headlock and Bryan ends up missing an attempted corner dropkick.  Orton tags in and lands signature clotheslines and a powerslam.  He brings Bryan onto the apron and lands the second rope DDT and coils on the mat.  Kane grabs Bryan’s foot and drags him out of harm’s way.  Orton gives chase and attacks Kane, but this affords Bryan the opportunity to land a baseball slide.  They put Orton back in the ring and Kane tags in.  Kane lands strikes and a corner clothesline for two.  Kane settles into a chinlock, but Orton fights out, only to walk into a side slam from Kane for two.  Kane goes up top for his diving clothesline and lands it, then signals for the chokeslam.

Orton snaps off a quick dropkick to put a stop to the attempt and both men tag.  Sheamus lands axe handles on Bryan and clubs him in the corner, followed by the Irish Curse.  Orton and Sheamus double team clothesline Kane to the outside and Orton follows.  Kane throws Orton into the ring post while AJ gets between Sheamus and Bryan.  Sheamus attempts a Brough kick but gets caught in the ropes, which allows Kane to chokeslam him while standing on the apron for Bryan to pin and win.

Winners: Kane and Daniel Bryan via pinfall

The heels are really setting themselves up for a fall at ‘Mania.  AJ surprised me here; after weeks of verbal abuse from Bryan, she seems happy to get in harm’s way to help him.  Here’s hoping for a real heel turn from her.  Perhaps a power couple that kicks and taps their opponents?  Strong open to the go-home Raw with all 4 guys really on point.  Booker T called Bryan the “ultimate opportunist” a few times in this match; Edge hasn’t even been inducted yet and Booker is using his moniker.  You’ve got the entire English language – pick a couple different words.

Rock vs Cena vignette: Rock lands Rock Bottom on Cena at WM27.

Michael Cole is in the ring, in the middle of putting on a Team Johnny t-shirt.  He is the official commentator for Team Johnny; does that mean he won’t speak when Team Teddy guys are on offense in the match?  Vickie is apparently the official flag bearer and comes out with Johnny and David Otunga.  Booker T hops up on the announce table to introduce Teddy Long, to introduce Santino.  Splendid.

Match 2 – David Otunga vs Santino Marella (United States Champion), non-title

So for the second match in a row, we’re giving away Wrestlemania action.  Otunga runs Santino over with shoulder blocks.  Santino answers with a drop toe hold and a chancery.  Santino misses a corner attack and gets clubbed by Otunga.  Otunga wants the Team Johnny flag in the ring, which draws Hornswoggle in with the Team Teddy flag.  Otunga takes the flag from Hornswoggle and goes to hit him, but misses and catches the top rope, popping it back into his own face, which leads to him turning around into The Cobra.

Winner: Santino Marella via pinfall

The GM’s argue and Teddy ends up shoving Ace over Santino on hands and knees.  Santino readies The Cobra for Johnny, but Miz rushes the ring and delivers the Skull Crushing Finale on Santino.  Johnny welcomes him to his team, but manages to say “Team Teddy”.  Worst possible time to flub, but he corrected himself.  So after all the clamoring, Miz just walks onto Team Johnny and Wrestlemania.  If he doesn’t make a real impact in this match, he’s wasted a lot of our time.

Rock vs Cena vignette: The challenge issued the night after WM27

A video plays of Wrestlemania moments and general PPV moments for HHH and Undertaker.

Match 3 – Eve Torres vs Kelly Kelly

That’s three for three on ‘Mania matchups given away for free.  Kelly starts a “Hoeski” chant mid ring.  She takes Eve down with a jackknife cover for two.  Eve delivers kicks after kicking out and lifts Kelly up by her neck in the corner.  She drops her down and covers for a two count.  Eve stretches out Kelly, but Kelly escapes and lands her signature (ridiculous) 1080 headscissors.  Eve strikes back and attempts her top rope moonsault, but Kelly rolls out of the way and rolls through on an Oklahoma roll for three.

Winner: Kelly Kelly via pinfall

That accomplished pretty much nothing.  I’d love to say more, but there’s not much to play off of here.

Rock vs Cena vignette: Rock lands Rock Bottom after their tag match at Survivor Series

Match 4 – Christian vs CM Punk (WWE Champion), non-title

Jericho appears on the Titantron and breaks to the world that Punk’s mother is a very nice lady, but her wedding date was after Punk’s birthdate.  So Punk is a bastard.  That doesn’t seem anywhere near as devastating as the alcoholic father bit.

Christian attacks Punk from behind in the ring and tosses Punk outside.  Punk answers with a big kick and proceeds to bash Christian’s head into the announce table repeatedly.  He continues with another kick to the head and then stretches Christian on the floor, landing repeated Bryan Danielson-style elbows to the chest.  Punk sets up the steps and delivers a GTS, with Christian’s head bouncing off the steel instead of Punk’s knee.  He then locks in the Anaconda Vice and yells “This is you, Jericho!”.  The refs break it up, but Punk jumps over the stairs and locks it in again.  Took them four matches, but this was at least not an actual ‘Mania match up.  It actually wasn’t a match at all, as no bell rang

Winner: No contest

Match 5 – Brodus Clay vs Curt Hawkins

As usual, Clay’s opponent doesn’t get an entrance.  Hawkins opens the match by running into a clothesline from Brodus.  He chopblocks Brodus and lands rights, then a low bulldog for a one count.  Brodus may finally be showing a bit of weakness – no, wait.  Headbutt to chest, knee to gut, t-bone suplex and big splash.  Scratch that ‘weakness’ bit.

Winner: Brodus Clay via pinfall

Clay is still my call for ‘unannounced match’ at Wrestlemania.  A quick 1 minute squash of somebody to pop the crowd.  Again, nothing is particularly accomplished with this, except to show that Brodus isn’t entirely invulnerable.

Rock vs Cena vignette: the war of words and the promos cut back and forth, with verbiage of Rock ‘leaving’ WWE after coming back.

Match 6 – Big Show vs Primo Colon (Half of the Tag Team Champions)

Show opens with strikes and a frying pan chop in the corner.  He biels Primo across the ring then lands more strikes.  Primo jumps off the second rope at him, but gets swatted out of the air.  Show chokeslams him for three

Winner: Big Show via pinfall

Epico comes into the ring and gets a chokeslam for himself.  Cody Rhodes comes out and talks about Big Show’s repeated WM failures.  He’s going to make “Big Show” a verb, using it in examples replacing various words such as “fail” and “shit”.  This was a good, serious promo with jokes sprinkled in.  Very good, and I hope Cody continues down this path.  Of note: During this match, Christian was declared medically unfit for Wrestlemania and Drew McIntyre has replaced him on Team Johnny.

A new Lord Tensai ad runs, but continues to explain nothing.

The Bellas are in the back arguing over which GM to support and Zack Ryder comes in to strike out with them.  Eve invites Zack to stay with her in Miami during ‘Mania weekend.  Could she be a double agent for Johnny?

Punk is interviewed.  “How do I feel?  Ask Christian.”  Punk says he’s no bastard; he’s the best wrestler in the world.

Match 7 – Mark Henry vs Great Khali

Each man enters with his respective GM.  Khali attacks Henry from behind and lands a back elbow and big chop.  Henry hits the ropes and runs into a Brain Chop.  Henry lands the World’s Strongest Slam out of nowhere for three.

Winner: Mark Henry via pinfall

Teddy, you sure can pick a team.  Johnny throws Long into the ring, to be face to face with Henry.  Team Johnny storms the ring to block Team Teddy from saving him.  Santino and Ryder come out anyway and get beaten down.  R-Truth runs down, but gets beaten as well.  Kofi jumps off someone’s back onto the apron, then springboards at Henry, but gets caught for the World’s Strongest Slam.  Long is lifted for one of his own, but Booker T hits the ring and lays out Henry with a Scissors Kick.  Booker is invited to be the sixth man on Team Teddy and agrees.  This speaks for a thin roster with few guys that management has faith in if Booker needs to be in this match.

Rock vs Cena vignette: One upping one another, with Rock following Cena’s Attitude Adjustment on Mark Henry with a Rock Bottom last week.

With about ten minutes left before the top of the hour, The Rock enters.  He waits out a Rocky chant and a Boots To Asses chant and talks about WM20 which many thought would be his last ‘Mania match.  He makes pie jokes and Betty White jokes (actually the same joke, but who’s counting?).  He discusses the Rock Bottom heard ‘round the world last year.  The Millions want to see him against Cena, and right on cue, he makes his entrance.  Cena tells us he knows he’ll be booed at Wrestlemania.  That’s not new to him, nor is Rock being the best trash talker.  Cena says he’s always happy to be in a WWE ring and has been longer than Rock.  In the ten year gap that Rock was gone, Cena has been the guy people use to make points.  Everyone talks trash.  Cena does what his t-shirt says: Rise Above the Hate.  Cena makes a penis joke to complement the previous pie joke.  He’s going to win.  People may hate it, but he’ll win.  Cena says “people may not like my character” which is a poor choice of words and kind of pulls you out of the moment, but the energy here is so strong, that it’s easily ignored.  Cena will be damned if Rock takes this from him – Nobody remembers second place.  Rock says he’s no visitor; he helped build this house.  Rock says he beat Hogan at Wrestlemania, he beat Austin at Wrestlemania and all that’s left is to beat Cena at Wrestlemania.  From a business perspective, he needs to beat Cena to be the best of all time.  From a personal perspective, he just doesn’t like Cena, and is going to give him the ass kicking of a lifetime.

Lot of words here.  Both men ‘need’ to beat the other one.  Rock’s now introduced “being the best of all time” into this match, which invalidates the claims made by Punk and Jericho, so that was a pretty poor choice of words.  The energy shown by these two in this promo actually made me want to see a match I hadn’t really cared about for 51 weeks.

So that’s your final Raw before Wrestlemania.  From a wrestling action perspective, it just kind of chugged along.  As far as the promos go it was full steam ahead: Rhodes, Punk, and Rock/Cena all worked very hard to draw people into their matches.  For the final show, that’s critical, and you’ll rarely see me say that the verbiage is more important than the action on any of these shows.

Our predictions will be up soon for folks to comment on – keep an eye on @thegeekasylum and @sbfantom for when they go live.