Cartridge Chronicles: Metroid

Hey folks, sorry about the tardy output lately, life just got really busy but I have been doing some gaming and, as promised, here is my look back at another iconic title on the NES, Metroid.

Like the Legend of Zelda, as a child I assumed that the main character’s name was the title of the game, in this case, Metroid. I was again surprised to find out that not only was the main character a woman, but her name was in fact Samus Aran. I discovered this when I played Super Smash Bros. with my neighbor on the N64. This game would, like Mario and Zelda, launch a long line of successful sequels. This game, however, I found to be ridiculously difficult as a kid, and it hasn’t gotten much better now that I’m an adult.

Here is what you are going to face when you plug in Metroid. You start off on a platform with some epic entrance music and a decent soundtrack for an NES title. You have to go left first so you can collect this orb that makes you be able to turn into a ball. Yes, you turn into a literal ball and no it doesn’t bounce. Then you go right from where you started and the fun begins. You are attacked by bats from the ceiling and on the floor are what I can only describe as a bad Jersey Shore haircut with a face and legs. It’s like you versus a bunch of Pauly D’s heads.

In the next room you encounter what look like mosquitoes carrying crabs that fly and swoop at you plus more Pauly D heads. Then you get to a long vertical hallway with more heads and what I can only describe as golden invincible croissants. Yes I said croissants, the delicious French crescent-shaped buttery bread. I looked it up and they are supposed to be bugs, but all they do is fly back and forth, forcing you to time your jumps from platform to platform. They are basically just a golden 8-bit middle finger from the developers to the players.

After that there’s a room with what look like flying razor clams that hate you and want you to be miserable, and the ground of course is lava so you have to be accurate with your jumps while also avoiding the clams from hell. This game is damn difficult right from the start and I, personally, have never beaten it without cheating. The last boss of the game is a brain in some glass, reminiscent from such villains as Evil Con Carne from Grim and Evil, and Krang from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

To sum it up, the game is hard as hell and the chances of you beating it are slim, unless you are God or Chuck Norris, or you have a lot of spare time on your hands to practice. The game is good, but try it before you buy it. I do enjoy the soundtrack and the game is fun before you decide to rage quit. It is definitely a game you want to play while your friends are around for a good laugh. In the next installment of Cartridge Chronicles I will be covering everyone’s favorite lovable pink marshmallow, Kirby in Kirby’s Adventures for the NES.