WWE Raw Wrap-Up - 03/05/2012

Monday Night Raw – March 5th, 2012

The countdown to Wrestlemania stands at 27 days.  Four short weeks to continue to build feuds, enhance challengers and make champions look strong (or weak, as necessary).  The first thing Raw presents to us is Shawn Michaels, full intro, pyro and all.  Always a welcome sight, and in Wrestlemania season, an indication that we should pay attention.  

We’re quickly reminded that Teddy Long is in charge tonight.  HBK wants to know what made Hunter have a change of heart regarding facing the Undertaker at ‘Mania.  HHH out comes out when beckoned, because the COO apparently has nothing more productive to do.  Short of transcribing a script, both men take mildly low shots at each other in a passive fashion, as they tend to do when they’re face to face.

Shawn takes offense that the turning point for Hunter seemed to be Undertaker insinuating that HBK was always the better man.  Hunter says the sentiment is all wrong; he’s tired of people talking behind Shawn’s back and he can’t stand looking at his best friend as a loser.  \When Hunter ends ‘Taker, it will be for himself and for Shawn.  HBK, tells us that he knew last year who would win and he’ll know this year as well:  Because he is the special referee. 

Now, this of course gets a huge fan reaction because who doesn’t want Shawn Michaels involved in Wrestlemania, but the issue at hand is the lack of reasoning given.  I expect we’ll get a bit of exposition on this next week when HBK and Undertaker will both be present at Raw, but at no point was a lack of effective officiating made a point throughout any of this.  I’m reserving judgment for a couple of weeks on pure faith.

Match 1 – Santino Marella vs Jack Swagger (c); United States Championship match

As Santino opens the match with jabs, a split and a hip toss, John Laurinitis and David Otunga approach the ring.  The cobra comes out early, but Ziggler (of course at ringside) runs interference.  Santino turns around into a Gutwrench Powerbomb for a very close two count, which the crowd goes absolutely wild for.  Cue up Teddy Long’s music and Long, Aksana and, for some reason, Kofi Kingston, join the ringside circus.  Santino counters another attempted Gutwrench Powerbomb, but Ziggler interferes again, this time eating a Cobra for his trouble.  The general managers get into it on the floor, creating a distraction that lands Santino in an Ankle Lock.  Santino fights out, rolls through, putting Swagger face first into the turnbuckle and rolls him up with a schoolboy for the three count.

Winner and new United States Champion: Santino Marella via pinfall

The GMs once again get into it, Long has security remove Laurinitis and Otunga and Laurinitis’ original objection to Santino’s win is cast aside, leaving Santino as your new US champ.  A parade of tromboning in the ring from Santino, Long, Aksana and Kofi lead us out.  Santino seemed to be asking for a mic as they cut to a Rock graphic, so the house crowd likely got a fun chat with him.  Kofi was present, but really did nothing at all here, other than being an ‘equivalent’ to Otunga at ringside.

Rock History Lesson #1: Rock compares throwing Cena merch into the river to the Boston Tea Party.  The 

Rock Revolution has begun.  While the merch might be silly (A Cena garden gnome among it), this kind of comparison doesn’t seem especially strong for the Rock.  It’s more akin to the silliness that Rock and fans criticize Cena for.

Match 2 - Alicia Fox vs Eve Torres

Alicia is in ring back from a break and Eve gets a full intro.  The intro lasted longer than the match, as Fox poorly executed a split/arm drag combination, got her leg swept from under her (another nod to Eve’s Gracie training?) and a roll up from Eve, which took longer than the three count to actually get into proper position for.

Winner: Eve Torres via pinfall

Ryder comes out to his music, tells Eve he’s thrilled they never hooked up, calls her a Hoeski and scampers off to the back.  Eve sells being incredibly distraught about this.  Eve catches up with Ryder back from a break, kisses him and runs off.  Ryder is of course thrilled with this, so we’ll be heading down an “Eve manipulates Ryder” storyline heading toward Wrestlemania.  I’m okay with this; keeping Ryder who, despite a silly gimmick, is really solid in the ring, in the public’s mind while he’s not active in the ring is a very good thing.

Cut to a pensive Cena in an empty arena pre show.  Cena needs this match; he needs this win.  The Rock returned and deemed him a worthy opponent, which he does not take lightly.  Cena vows not to be second-place.

Match 3 – Sheamus/CM Punk (WWE Champion) vs Chris Jericho/Daniel Bryan (World Heavyweight Champion)

Typical WWE; ahead of the pay per view, we get to see the champs and their respective contenders fight.  A bit of making the fans “want” to see the match would serve everyone well.  Punk and Jericho start out, with solid arm drag and monkey flip action.  Jericho escapes and tags out to Bryan and Punk happily tags out to Sheamus.  Bryan quickly catches ten forearms in the ropes. 

Jericho sneaks in a kick to the back and tags in to try to take control, which of course leads us to a commercial.  Back in, we see Jericho drop Punk with a sideslam.  Punk escapes and tags Sheamus back in who lands the Irish Curse for a two count.  Jericho responds with a springboard triangle dropkick, knocking Sheamus off the apron.  Bryan follows around and lands a running dropkick on Sheamus. 

Back in the ring, Jericho controls Sheamus with a chinlock, leading to Sheamus powering out.  Jericho goes for his one-handed bulldog, but Sheamus shoves him into the corner, leading to both men tagging out to the two champions.  As he lands suplexes and neckbreakers, Punk continues to sell his back from the attack from Jericho last week.  It’s an important touch, and one that isn’t paid attention to often enough.  He ascends the top rope and dives off with his Macho Man elbow, again selling the impact, even as he makes the cover. 

Punk soon after finds himself almost placed in the Walls of Jericho, but counters into a small package, only for Jericho to get the leverage and roll over enough for Punk to be pinned.  Jericho pins his Wrestlemania opponent and Sheamus takes a loss that he doesn’t quite “suffer”.  Bryan gets a win that he didn’t “earn”.

Winners: Daniel Bryan and Chris Jericho via pinfall

Bryan, if continued to be booked this way, is more than likely to lose at Wrestlemania.  The chickenshit heel wins can only continue so long and Sheamus seems to be the man that will put a stop to them.  Another win from Bryan and a continued chase from Sheamus isn’t at all a bad option either.

Rock History Lesson #2: What if John Cena were Paul Revere?  What if Rock went back in time?   

Apparently women would line up to serve him Boston Cream Pie.  Also, penis jokes.  This is the “bad” Cena territory for Rock to explore.  Likely done on purpose for Cena’s benefit, but good for a cheap laugh, at the very least.

Match 4 – The Miz vs Big Show

Cody Rhodes come out as the match starts, shows Big Show not being involved in Wrestlemania 18 and instead stomping around at “The World” that is long since closed.  Not especially embarrassing, Cody.  Miz takes advantage and attacks from behind.  Show spears him and readies the Weapon of Mass Destruction, knocking Miz out.  Another 30 second match tonight.  Poor, poor Miz.

Winner: Big Show via pinfall

Beating the Miz at this point, especially in 30 seconds doesn’t do much for Show and doesn’t prove anything.  Miz has been a loser for six months now, so this doesn’t make Show look any stronger, other than knocking out someone the same size as Rhodes.

Rock History Lesson #3: The American Fighting spirit lives in Rock and he’s coming to the arena tonight.  Great.  The negativity isn’t to say these aren’t decent Rock promos and don’t have a strong energy; the Rock always exudes energy as he talks.  But these seem infantile compared to the empty arena self-discussion that Cena gave earlier in the night.

Formal announcement that HBK and Undertaker will both be at Raw next week.

Match 5 – R-Truth vs Kane

Another short match.  Kane resists early strikes from Truth, comes back at him with a snapmare and low dropkick.  Problem is, Truth stayed lying down after the snapmare, when he should have sat up and Kane didn’t adjust, so it looked more like an incredibly lazy Boom Drop.  Truth makes a short comeback, Kane dodges the Axe Kick and chokeslams Truth for the pin.

Winner: Kane via pinfall

As Kane hits his after-match pyro, Randy Orton’s music hits, he hits the ring and Kane hits the mat thanks to an RKO.  Orton grabs a mic, lays down next to Kane and says “It’s good to be back” answering Kane’s chokeslam and “Welcome back Randy” from Smackdown.  Odd program, but Orton does need to get involved.

The rest of the night is dedicated to Cena and The Rock.  Cena comes out to the usual mixed reaction.  Cena is happy that The Rock he’s seeing now is The Rock he needs to beat.  He wants The Rock; not Dwayne.  In the same breath, he compares  The Rock to “The situation” from Jersey Shore.  Verbatim, he tells us that “The Situation” is from Jersey Shore.  If you have to make that much of a clarification, the joke isn’t working.  That’d be like calling him “Urkel…From Family Matters!”.  He says that Rock has come back, but he’s shaken.  He calls for Rock to come out, and he obliges.  Rock asks what he sees as he looks at Cena?  “Fear.”  The fear that Rock will take everything away from Cena.  Rock tells Cena he isn’t at all shaken.  Rock takes a couple of “Toothfairy” chants and Cena ends the night by jumping into the Boston crowd.

Here’s the exposition, the interaction that we need from both men to make us care about this match beyond “Hey, Rock is back!”.  If they are going to take one of the main event spots, there needs to be an investment from the fans other than it being a spectacle.  The build now feels like it’s slowly making Cena have more of an edge.  If he can keep that up through and past Wrestlemania, then we have a net gain.  If Rock bests Cena in four weeks, we can only imagine that Rock/Cena 2 will be a main event next year.  Another year long build could be maddening if not done right.  As with the HBK/HHH/Undertaker dynamic, it will have to grow, but it has the potential to be what they want: Record setting, and more importantly…trending.

Coming soon: A reflection on being at Ring of Honor’s Tenth Anniversary Show at Hammerstein Ballroom this past weekend and how damn hard wrestling fans are to please.