Wrestlemania. RAW. Smackdown. Super Duper Bonzai Extravaganza

Wrestlemania is over. The pageantry. The spectacle. The over marketing. I have to say I was pretty stoked about the card set up. Seeing the Rock back in action again, Cena, Jericho and CM Punk, Triple H vs Taker; It was shaping up to be a great night…so then why was the first title match of the night ONLY EIGHTEEN SECONDS LONG?!?! Now, at first myself and those I watched it with were pretty freaking ticked at the fact that a great wrestler like Daniel Bryan got a big steaming pile of crap laid on him on the biggest wrestling event of the year. But after seeing RAW and Smackdown this week, this could possibly be the best thing that has happened to him.

Man was the crowd over with Bryan all week. The Miami crowd was rabid and the YES! YES! YES! chants echoed all throughout Wrestlemania, RAW, and Smackdown. Good. I hope this all backfires in Vince's face. Lets hope they get smart like they did with Punk when he caught fire and give this guy a push. Bryan getting rid of AJ on Smackdown made me sad, she was pleasing to look at so I'm hoping that she isn't gone for long. The sad thing is the I like Sheamus, and I still do. Which was why I was hoping for a…cleaner…win. But now he will be the target of the fans rage because he shat on Daniel Bryan.

Randy and Kane was a match that I honestly kept more focused on the delicious chicken wings in front of me than actually paying attention to the match. He had no payoff, the feud leading up to it was weak, and I'm not much of a Kane or Orton fan so I'll just cut to the chase: Orton lost, and the universe doesn't give a crap. He's probably more ticked that he got canned from his gig as lead in The Marine 3. Apparently, Orton was dishonorably discharged from the Marines before his tenure in the WWE so when he was asked to play the role of an honorable marine, some actual marines took offense to it. Another tidbit that no one really cares about being that WWE films are only one small step up form SyFy channel movies like "Croctopus".

Team Teddy and Team Johnny was the match that filled in for Money in the Bank being that it has it's own PPV now. The match was going great…wait…is that Eve? And my astounding ADD kicked in as a gawked at her magnificence. Oh yeah, Team Johnny won, because as I said "Bitches Love Big Johnny". Ryder got kicked in the nuts by a goddess, and I would have gladly traded places with the young lad. Yes, even the eventual destruction of my gonads by that woman gives me a sick sense of pride.  During the "Pee Break Match" aka the Divas match, Maria Menunous crapped her pants…at least it looked that way…and there was much rejoicing.

Now onto the matches that actually mattered.

The End of an Era match was a one helluva teasing title to the match. I would assume that Taker would lose being that it would actually mark the end of an era. But what if Triple H loses? Probably nothing. No word down the interwebs that he's gonna retire. He's barely on the active roster anyways. So they should have named it "The End of an Era if Undertaker loses match and if he wins it becomes The Status Quo match". This was one of the matches that based on wrestling technique it wasn't superb. But these two just really know how to tell a story in the ring, and that's what it was.

We watched drama unfold in the ring unlike what we see on regular PPV or weekly broadcasts. HBK being there was just the icing on the cake. These men knew how to keep the audience glued to their sets. It ended up being a mirror of last years match up, which I hate because HBK vs Taker I was better than HBK vs Taker II because it was the first time we'd seen that match. The rematch was almost an exact duplicate. The only new added component this time around was the special guest ref. Taker won and extended his streak to 20-0. When will this end? No one knows really. But when it does, Wrestlemania has some pretty big shoes to fill.

Y2J vs CM Punk was a match that I knew was going to be a physical match. These guys put their bodies through hell the whole time. Did anyone expect that suplex to the apron to actually happen?!? It's one of those moves that they always tease but never actually do because it would hurt like hell. Well, they id it, and you know what? It looked like it hurt like hell!! CM Punk retains but tap out via the Anaconda Vice. Great match by two great performers. The feud continued into RAW with CM Punk getting the piss kicked out of him by Mark Henry. Then Jericho came out and smashed a bottle of Jack Daniels on Punks head. Hoping this leads to another great bout between the two. And knowing Jericho's drive to not be a one trick pony, I'm hoping that their next match will showcase more of what we have seen from them.

Rock and Cena. Sigh. I'm trying to decide on when my Cena rant should come in. I'll say after, so be prepared for literary glory.  I would have never in a billion years expected Rock to win. Why? Because he already won. He won the crowds. He won Hollywood. And probably ate more pie than I could download in a lifetime *sobs*.  Cena NEEDED to win. Granted if he did the Miami crowds would have surely crucified him to the big palm trees that blocked peoples view. Nothing super special about the match. Each man pulled of his signature move, traded punches, yadda yadda yadda.  What pissed me off and what continually pissed me off is Cena's demeanor. The guy laughs off everything. He smiles and jokes about how the people are basically fed up with his bullshit. He came out and said at the pre-Mania press conference that he would fight tooth and nail a heel turn by WWE creative. The guy won't crack. Then he spent the majority of his segment on RAW basically, for lack of a better term, sucking The Rock's d*ck. Sucking it long and hard.

Just shut up man. Blah blah blah i respect the Rock and I want to thank him for the match. NEWSFLASH! The Rock doesn't give a monkey's crap about your thanks. You both talked shit for over a year and you got embraced in front of millions of people trying to take him out with his own move with the ridiculous smile that you always have on your face, and got Rockbottomed. Be mad! Be angry! Ask for a goddamn rematch!! But no, you got in the ring and pulled off the most publicized grundle sucking since Kim Kardashian and…..that other guy who happens to be related to Brandy. And one was far more enjoyable to watch than the other. I'll let you decide. But alas, God has not forsaken me, and Brock Lesnar came out and F5'd Cena. Good. Your Make a Wish Candy Ass needed an F5. Maybe even two. This pleases me greatly.

Now this little tidbit was given to me by one of our readers. Technically I should have seen the Rock's win coming. Cena will do anything (except be a heel) for the WWE. He's a company man. Also he doesn't have a loyal enough following to move onto Hollywood. Being that his fans are about five years old or divorced women, a little tyke isn't gonna be allowed to see Cena in R rated films like the Rock has been in. HAHAH!  This movie has been rated You Can't See Me for ages 12 and below. I made a funny. PRAISE ME!

With Lesnar back, I'm curious how this will all play out. Obviously he will feud with Cena, but to what end? Will Cena get dropped by another Attitude Era legend? Will we see two Paul Heyman guys duke it out soon? We'll keep watching and guessing.