WWE Raw Wrapup 4/9/12

First off, a big thank you to Eric for covering Wrestlemania 28 and the subsequent Raw and Smackdown.  The night of Wrestlemania I went from what I thought to be the flu into a pneumonia-addled coma and basically slept for 72 hours.  I'm still not feeling quite up to snuff, and to be quite honest, Raw was less than stellar so today will be far less long-winded than usual.

Raw opens with guest a spot for the night's guest hosts:  The Three Stooges.  I thought we were done with this guest host stuff, but it's so hard to hate the Stooges' shtick.  There are a ton of YES signs in the crowd, still showing support for Daniel Bryan.  John Lauranaitis comes out and introduces "the new face of the WWE": Brock Lesnar.  Typical WWE:  Sign a short-term star and shove him down our throats.  Instead of playing this out and storylining us, we're instead shotgunning it like a college party brewski.  Important here and moving forward:  The reaction for Lesnar was less than lukewarm this time.  Last week the crowd went ballistic.  This week, they went out to merch tables.  Cena comes out, slaps the taste out of Lesnar's mouth and gets taken down for his trouble.  Lesnar's first punch catches Cena in the face and he comes up bloodied.  The locker room clears and they pull the men apart multiple times.  Lauranaitis wants Teddy to get him an explanation and Eve wants a meeting with Johnny, who casts her off until next week.

There's a part of me that wants to question why, say, Mark Henry and Alberto Del Rio rushed from the locker room to break up this fight, when it behooves them both to have potential champions or rivals be hurt by one another.  But then I just go "WWE" and keep taking notes.

Match 1 - Brodus Clay and Santino Marella (United States Champion) vs Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger

This was a one segment match stretched into two.  Into break, Swagger takes Brodus down with a chopblock.  Back from break, Ziggler drops his signature jumping elbow on Santino.  Santino continues to be beaten, but makes a tag to Brodus who beats Ziggler with a clothesline, t-bone suplex and splash.

Winners: Brodus Clay and Santino Marella via pinfall

Johnny casts Miz off similar to Eve earlier and Teddy returns with Cena.  Cena wants to hit and he wants to be hit, so Johnny gives Cena Otunga in the main event later tonight.  Santino is looking for the Stooges.  He finds Kane and then powerwalks away.


Match 2 - R-Truth vs Cody Rhodes

Quick offense via Alabama Slam from Rhodes, but Big Show comes out and shows a clip of last week, when he showed a clip of Wrestlemania.  Cody is distracted and turns around into "Little Jimmy" (this is the laziest goddamn finisher name), Truth's jumping Complete Shot and loses.

Winner: R-Truth via pinfall

Short of a full rage, I'll just say that this is accomplishing nothing whatsoever for someone who can, could and should be a future world champion, possibly even this year.

Santino finds the Stooges in a crate, because this is how we move human beings around.  They do some classic shtick with Santino, and as much as I hate guest hosts and time wasting, you just can't hate the Stooges, especially when WWE's own stooge Santino is involved.  I'll give it a pass.

Match 3 - Lord Tensai vs Yoshi Tatsu

Cole tells us that Tatsu challenged Tensai to this match via Twitter because he is not "real Japanese".  Tensai dominated Japan for five years, Tatsu jobbed and fought in dark match battle royals.  Not a strong argument.  Especially when this match amounted to a drawn out squash.  "Albert" chants throughout the match and Tensai delivers a Choke Bomb after screaming "Tensai Ichiban!" in the face of Tatsu, informing him that Tensai is number one.

Winner: Lord Tensai via referee stoppage

Tensai does the same bit as his debut:  He sprays a mist from mouth to hand, then applies a face claw, causing his defeated opponent to scream in pain.  How the hell does he spray something that burns this much from his mouth?!  Tensai is barely getting a reaction, but it will be hard to gauge a proper reaction until he wrestles someone the crowd gives a damn about.

Replay of last week with Chris Jericho shattering an alcohol bottle over the head of CM Punk.

Match 4 - Mark Henry vs CM Punk (c), WWE Championship Match

Punk makes a beeline for the ring, grabs the mic and says that straight edge is a personal choice and a way of life.  His reasons are his own, but Jericho has made it all public.  Henry enters.  Punk attacks out of the gate with rapid strikes, but eats a big Henry clothesline.  The fight spills outside and Punk clonks Henry with one of the announcer's monitors.  Now I understand that he's mad and why he's mad.  But he's still supposed to be a fighting champion, so this was a less than stellar way to end the match.

Winner: Mark Henry via disqualification

Back in the ring, Henry lands a World's Strongest Slam.Jericho comes out, beers in hand and Henry hits another World's Strongest Slam.  Punk tries to fight Jericho, but eats a Codebreaker.  Jericho gives Punk a beer bath and he fights up to his feet, only to take another Codebreaker.  This all points to a rematch at Extreme Rules in Chicago.


Match 5 - Zack Ryder vs Alberto Del Rio

Del Rio opens with very strong strikes and a dropkick for two.  Ryder throws up his knees in the corner and lands a Broski Boot and sets up for the Rough Ryder.  Alberto counters the Rough Ryder, tossing Ryder up and over headfirst into the turnbuckle, then locks in the Cross Armbreaker.

Winner: Alberto Del Rio via submission

At least Ryder is still on TV, I guess.  Del Rio does need to come back looking strong, so you can't argue with the choices made here.


The Stooges are on their way to the ring, and back from commercial, Moe and Larry are in the ring.  The crowd isn't happy about this, and they vocally let the guys in the ring know.  Will Sasso as Curly comes out as Hulk Hogan, theme and everything.  This still doesn't have the crowd happy, as Sasso/Curly cuts a promo.  Kane comes out, sets off his pyro which sends two of the Stooges running and Sasso takes a chokeslam.  This company does not know their audience worth a damn: There wasn't enough Stooge shtick to give this one a pass.

Next week, due to a DQ and count out win over Henry for two weeks running, Punk will defend against Mark Henry in a no disqualification match.

Truth time:  From about this point until the end of the show, I admittedly conked out, which I will chalk up to 50% pneumonia coma and 50% boring as hell Raw.  What I can tell you is Lesnar cut a promo in the back, which is a poor choice.  This guy should be a silent killer, especially with him being back such a short time, and he's been running his mouth all night.

Match 6 - John Cena vs David Otunga

Slept right through this one (see above mathematics), but Cena won with an Attitude Adjustment and STF.

Winner: John Cena via submission

Lesnar rolls out from under the ring and gives Cena a low blow kick from behind and delivers the F5.

That's it.  That's the end of the show.  Open and close with Lesnar, barely anything worth a damn in the middle of the show.  Lesnar's returns are already diminishing, as the crowd had a very "meh" reaction tonight to him each time he was shown.  The occasional 'just there' Raw isn't the end of the world, but here's the problem with it being tonight:  It's been a week since Wrestlemania.  If any show should set the tone for the coming year, it was this one.  And if we have to take inventory of the coming from year from tonight here's how it looks:  The WWE title barely means anything, as does anyone not named John Cena, John Lauranaitis or Brock Lesnar.  It's a gloomy forecast.